ladydrace | Silly Arthur/Merlin fic: The Red Monster.

Title: The Red Monster. (Crossposted to

merlinxarthur )
Rating: R... kinda.
Word count: 1052
Characters/pairings: Merlin/Arthur
Summary: Arthur catches Merlin doing something... private.
Notes/Warnings: Modern day AU, flatmates, silly.
Beta:

tli deserves roses and cookies for putting up with silliness like this. Thank you, lovie!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything at all and I certainly don't make any money from writing this.

Arthur scratched his head and yawned as he padded barefoot down the hall to the tiny bathroom he shared with Merlin. It was so early the sun wasn't even up, so the odds of finding his flatmate awake were next to nothing. Needless to say it shocked the hell out of him when he pushed the half closed door open, only to find Merlin in t-shirt and boxers, turning on a tap and washing... something.

“What are you doing up?”

Merlin jumped about a mile and whatever he had been washing flew from his soapy hands and landed on the floor at Arthur's feet with a loud smacking sound. By sleepy automatic, Arthur bent down to pick it up, only to freeze with his hand an inch above it when he realized what the object was.

A dildo. A red, rubbery, veiny monster of a dildo. (Okay, so it wasn't huge, but anything bigger than Arthur's own equipment was by default labeled monstrous.) Lifting his eyes to Merlin, who was turning a very interesting shade of red (that Arthur couldn't help but compare to the... toy... at his feet and finding it surprisingly similar) and fidgeting.

For lack of brain power, Arthur asked stupidly: “What the hell is that?”

Merlin gaped and stuttered for a moment before quickly stepping forward, snatching the dildo off the floor and snapping: “What do you think it is, Arthur!?”

Arthur just stood slack jawed and watched Merlin pointedly turning his back to him, putting the toy back under the tap and washing it with movements not unlike the movements Arthur used on his own (very impressive, just so you know) manhood most mornings. And by coincidence, that's exactly what he had been planning to do when he got back from the bathroom.

Shaking his head, trying to clear the morning fog from his brain, now cooperating wickedly with interested messages from his neglected groin, Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose before grinding out between closed teeth: “I know what is. But what the hell are you doing with it?!”

Giving him a look that was part embarrassment and part exasperation, Merlin replied with poorly attempted disinterest: “I'm washing it. Working with Gaius has the unfortunate side effect of becoming much too familiar with the consequences of poor hygiene.”

Arthur couldn't stop himself from blurting out: “Gaius has been teaching you about sex toys?!”

Merlin froze and shut his eyes tight before begging: “Arthur, for the sake of my sanity, never mention Gaius and sex in the same sentence again.”

“You just did...” Arthur commented with a smirk. He couldn't help but grin as Merlin dropped the dildo into the sink and hid his head in his hands with a groan.

Living with Merlin had been educational in more ways that Arthur ever dreamed of. They had been friends for years and all through school Merlin had saved Arthur from flunking in several bookish classes, while Arthur had drilled Merlin for hours so he could pass the physical subjects. They complimented each other nicely with their opposite natures and matching sense of humor, so moving in together for university was a natural move for them.

Arthur had felt understandably betrayed when Merlin finally confessed that he was gay, only to begin bringing home completely undeserving cretins posing as boyfriends. To Arthur's relief, it had been a good while since the last cretin, and his brain finally provided him with the link between the dry patch and the washing of sex toys in the bathroom. Which consequently led to thoughts of what Merlin might have been doing with said toy, probably not too long ago. Arthur started feeling a little hot, despite being only in his boxers and cleared his throat sternly at not-so-little-Arthur, who was trying to assert himself at a very inappropriate moment.

Merlin removed his wet hands from his face to look at Arthur. Apparently, he thought Arthur was coughing to get his attention, so he wrung his brain for something to say, while trying not to get distracted by the droplets of water trickling down Merlin's nose.

“It only figures that you're a total slob with everything except sex toys.”

Wiping off the dildo with a wash cloth and putting it in a soft cloth bag, Merlin replied casually: “Yeah, well, it's not everything I put inside my body, either.” Half a second later it occurred to Merlin what he'd said and his face turned back to the dildo-red shade at top speed.

Arthur, on the other hand, was trying desperately to convince his nether regions that those words were not an invitation for everyone in favour of putting things inside Merlin's body to 'stand up, please'. Sadly, the blood needed for said brain activity had long since migrated south and forced Arthur to realize that this was probably the moment he had been dreading for quite a while. The moment where all those hours of wanking to fantasies of his flatmate and torturing himself with thoughts of anyone else touching Merlin would come out in the open, whether he wanted them to or not.

There was certainly no hiding his condition in his worn cotton boxers, already forming a nice (not-so-little) tepee. Sure enough, the second Merlin turned to him, already gibbering about how that didn't come out right, he stopped dead with his eyes most definitely not at eye level.

“Arthur... are you...?” He stopped uncertainly and finally let his gaze travel up to Arthur's eyes, trying to look anywhere but at Merlin. “Look at me, please.” So he did.

Merlin searched his face and eyes for a while, slowly making Arthur more and more nervous, before shocking him again by tossing the cloth bag and dildo over his shoulder and launching himself at Arthur.

“You bloody idiot...” Merlin mumbled between filthy kisses. “Why didn't you tell me? I could have been having sex with you for months, instead of that stupid rubber imitation.”

Arthur's head was swimming (Merlin comparing him to that red monster?! Okay, so maybe it wasn't that much bigger...), everything buzzing with lust and happiness, so he grinned and hugged Merlin to him, hard.

“I guess I'll just have to make up for lost time, then...”

And so he did.

End.