Through the Fog, Chapter 15
Apr. 22nd, 2009 01:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladydraceWow this one has been lying around unattended for far too long. I really hope I manage to finish it sometimes this year.
Title: Through the Fog
Codes: X-men Evolution, Nightcrawler/Toad.
Part 15/19
Rating: PG-13 I guess.
Warnings: Err... cussing?
Beta: Ain't got one. Probably loads of weird errors and typos, but at least it's only myself who's to blame.
Feedback: Yes please. Even 'it sucks' would be appreciated.
Disclaimer: I don't own any green prehensile delights or fluffy goodness elfs. Or even the concepts thereof. *sigh* Not mine. At all. Oh I only wish.
Summary: Todd gets an unexpected visit from his past after 10 years, and the war moves in again.
Chapter 15.
Todd woke up to the strange sensation of a swelteringly hot, furred body pressed against his back and a wiry arm locked around his waist. The heat was stifling and he gently tried to pry himself free without waking Kurt. His blue lover mumbled in his sleep and tightened his hold, so in the end, Todd settled for flipping off the covers to allow himself a little air.
He felt very confused. He knew he had been dreaming, because he remembered bits and pieces, but somehow the big picture eluded him. Something with Wanda... and her father. Something important. Again he was struck by the powerful sense of urgency. There was something he needed to do. Something vital to... to... Wanda?
And then the thought slipped from him again, to his great frustration. Yet again he cursed Xavier to hell and back. Why did the damn cripple always have to fuck with people's minds? Before he came here he never dreamt stuff like this. The occasional wet dream or surreal drink-induced adventure, but never crazy shit like this. And he didn't like it at all. Not one bit.
He glanced at the clock beside the bed. It was early evening and the last rays of autumn sunlight was filtering through the drawn curtains. Despite the hours of sleep, he still felt exhausted, but his body was making demands that would force him out of bed shortly. He felt very hungry and needed a smoke badly. A second attempt of freeing himself from Kurt's tight hold proved futile, so he saw no other solution than waking up his bedmate.
Looking over his shoulder at the relaxed face of his companion, he almost regretted it. Kurt looked so peaceful- almost childlike innocent in his sleep. Like he was perfectly happy. Like there was no war, worry, nightmares or bad guys in the world. Todd wondered if he had ever looked like that. Somehow he doubted it. He felt an unfamiliar stab of tenderness for the man behind him and a sudden unwillingness to ever do anything remotely hurtful to him rushed through Todd. If anyone ever tried to hurt his fuzz ball, he would kill them. Simple as that.
And then he remembered. He was leaving. In less than twenty four hours he would be gone. Out of Fuzzy's life. Forever. He would be in no position to protect him, even if he wanted to. And right then he realized; he did want to. He wanted to stay with his blue elf and keep him safe from harm. He wanted to have more than another day of what they had. He wanted more. So much more. But he was leaving. He was! There was no way he would stay here. He couldn't. He wouldn't be welcome.
Oh sure, Baldie could say as much as he liked that there was room for anyone at the Xavier Institute but he was definitely the only one thinking that. Who would want to team up with The Toad? Kurt maybe, but by doing so he would alienate himself from his friends and teammates. And Todd was not about to let that happen. Kurt needed people. Todd had been alone for years and years. He was used to it. Kurt would not do well without his friends. Not even if he was with Todd. No.
He would leave. Xavier and the geeks would take care of Kurt. He would be ok. Plus, he was a grown man after all, he should be able to take care of himself. And who exactly saved who's ass last time there was trouble? The thought made him snort at his own silliness. Was geek central rubbing off on him, making him all mushy and sentimental? Or was it just too exhausting being cynical right then?
Shrugging off his unusual train of thought, he pried himself out of the stifling bed, this time with no concern for his sleeping partner. Kurt awoke with a small grunt when his arm was forced off Todd.
“Hm? Are you ok, Todd?”
Todd nodded without looking at Kurt. He didn't need all those mushy feelings right now. All he really needed was a smoke. Setting his feet down on the shockingly cold floor, made him reconsider leaving the house. He cursed the house rules for a minute and considered simply having his smoke in bed. In the end he settled for opening the window and stood shivering in the evening mist, inhaling his nicotine as fast as he could.
He jumped a little with surprise as Kurt laid his arms around his shoulders from behind, folded a blanket around them both and plastered his naturally super heated body against the goosebumped back of his amphibian lover. Todd stiffened for a second at the unfamiliar sensation, but quickly gave in to the delicious heat surrounding him.
“Are you sure you're ok, Liebling?”
Todd froze with his cigarette half way to his lips.
“What did you just call me?”
Kurt sounded a little embarrassed when he replied:
“Oh I'm sorry. Sometimes I can't help but use my native language. Liebling is German for... uhm... darling... or beloved.”
Somehow the whole situtation was suddenly just too much for Todd. Darling?! Who the hell would call him darling?! Without really wanting to, he burst out laughing. He laughed so hard, he had to cling to the windowsill to avoid falling to his knees. Kurt let out a small confused snicker, but was very aware that he was clearly missing something.
“Vhat? Vhat's so funny?”
The question simply made Todd laugh even more. Eventually his legs simply couldn't carry him anymore and and he slumped heavily to the floor, wheezing and gasping from his hysterical outburst. Clutching his stomach and rocking a little, he kept laughing and laughing, until the tears were streaming down his face.
Kurt eventually got worried that something was seriously wrong and knelt down to take a firm hold of Todd's shoulders.
“Look at me, Todd! Talk to me! Are you ok?”
Finally easing out of the laughing fit, Todd spent a few minutes simply catching his breath before meeting Kurt's worried, golden eyes. Wiping his face with his palms, he tried to pull himself together, but occasionally a little delayed snicker would slip out.
“I suck at this, Fuzzy. I really do. I ain't no darlin'. Or beloved or whatever.”
Kurt squeezed his shoulders to reinforce his words.
“You are. To me.”
Todd rasped out a bitter chuckle.
“No I damn well ain't. What have I ever brought you b'sides trouble, huh? Come on, get real, Fuzz Face. Summers hates you now, as much as he hates me. You risk your life to save my sorry ass, only to have my brains turned to mince by Baldie. Nobody likes The Toad, that's how it is. And a Toad who pukes his guts out and has nightmares every night is just a goddamn peach. No, man. Best stay clear of me, Fuzzy. I was never good news to anybody.”
Kurt pulled Todd close and hugged him tightly, ignoring the fact that Todd was completely unresponsive and simply hung limbly in his arms.
“I know this might be hard to believe, but you ARE good news to me. And I refuse to stay clear of you. You von't get rid of me that easy. Because I love you.”
Pulling out of the embrace, Todd got heavily to his feet and picked up the cigarette slowly burning its way through the veneer of the windowsill.
“I know. And I still think you're the one who needs a ride on Baldie's couch.”
Kurt froze at the words.
“You know? How?”
A little uncomfortable at the slip, Todd flicked his cigarette out of the window and busied himself with closing the window without looking at Kurt.
“Yeah. I kinda heard you and Summers havin' it on before I was kidnapped.”
Still on his knees on the floor, Kurt looked down, embarrassed by some of the things he remembered shouting at Scott in the heat of his anger, but even more downcast from Todd's reaction. His voice was small and defeated when he finally spoke again.
“I was hoping that telling you vould make a difference. That maybe you vouldn't leave.”
Todd kept his face away from Kurt and hugged himself in the chill. The blanket lay forgotten on the floor.
“Well that's just stupid.”
Kurt raised his head and narrowed his eyes at Todd, still with his back to him.
“If you really think I'm so stupid, then vhy did you spend all this time vith me this veek and - oh yeah- sleep with me?!”
Todd spun around to face the other mutant looking up at him with angry, feline eyes.
“Because I'm a selfish prick, Fuzzy. I thought you knew that. But either you're so stupidly in love that I seem like goddamn angel to you, or maybe I hit you too hard over the head last week!”
Pacing around the room, Todd felt like he was suddenly about to explode with all the frustration and confusion. This was all to damn difficult. He ranted on, hardly knowing what he was saying.
“The only reason I didn't break your damn neck on that roof, is that I was just about ready to turn myself over to Magneto, just so I wouldn't have to spend one more fuckin' day alone! Face it, the only people who care about freaks like you and me are other freaks.
“You think that tellin' me that you 'love me oh so very much' would magically make me see the error of my ways and become one of the geeks? I don't think so, Fuzz Face! I'm The Toad! Even if I suddenly lost my marbles and decided to stay, I wouldn't be any less alone! If people don't puke when they see me, they feel 'oh so sorry' for the freaky kid, who wasn't even good enough for the goddamn brotherhood!”
Kurt could only watch as Todd vented himself into a frenzy, letting off steam and slowly wearing down the floor in a persistent circular groove.
“Nobody loves The Toad! It's a fact of life, Blue Boy! And I'm done getting' my heart smashed into a zillion pieces every time someone is stupid enough to think different! You might think you love me, but you're wrong! Whatever mental illness made you think that in the first place, it'll wear off! Trust me, it's only a matter of time before you'll hate me like everybody else. Cause I ain't gonna change!
“Oh I tried! I tried to be the perfect kid my mom wanted! I tried to be invisible when my dad was around! I tried to be normal! I once drank a whole jug of bleach to make my tongue anythin' but green! I bathed every fuckin' day in whatever new poison I thought would work, just to stop smellin' like a fuckin' swamp! I'd rather have crusty scabs all over than bein' the stinky kid!
“I tried to be bad-ass for the brotherhood, I tried to be some sort of fuckin' supermutant for Wanda and I tried... goddammit I tried to be good enough for Magneto and his fuckin' war.”
Finally stopping his pacing, Todd leaned heavily on the windowsill, locked his eyes on the floor and sighed.
“I'm done, Fuzzy. I'm done tryin' to change what I am. I live with the facts. People don't like me, even when they get to know me. But if they wanna waste some time and money on my sorry hide, then I'll damn well take what I can get. Cause nothin' in life is for free. I'm selfish 'cause it's the only way to survive. So if it means lovin' and leavin' some poor soft hearted suckers to protect myself, then that's what I'm gonna do.”
Todd had ranted himself dry and stood for a while simply watching his breath fogging on the window, obscuring his faint reflection. He almost jumped when Kurt suddenly spoke again.
“I don't believe that you're so selfish. If you vere, then you vould never have helped us in the first place. You vould never have cared. You could have run off to Magneto and let him kill you, just to get it over vith, or maybe be lucky enough to be taken back. You could have kicked my ass on that roof top and left me to bleed to death. You could have told the Professor any crap you could think of and then go into hiding as soon as you could.
“You knew I loved you, and still you decided to spend time vith me. You told the Professor the truth and let him read your mind. You backed off from fighting Scott because I asked you to.”
Gathering the blanket around him, Kurt slowly stood up and went to sit on the bed, while Todd stared determinedly at the window, not really seeing. Kurt's voice was small but sincere when he continued:
“I think you're lying to yourself. I think you van't love and kindness as much as the rest of us, but you make it so hard for yourself. And for me. I just vant to be vith you and I'm grateful for this chance to show you how much I love you, even if it's only for a few days. But you don't want to believe me.”
Todd finally turned around and met Kurt's calm eyes with blazing anger quickly re-ignited.
“What do you know, Fuzzy? What do you know about anythin'? Didn't Baldie tell you what was in my brain? I know he told you somethin' about me!”
Surprisingly, Kurt didn't avert his eyes or look uncomfortable like Todd expected he would.
“Actually, yes, he did. He told me that you veren't ready to join us and that I vould break my heart being with you now. But he also told me that you're good. You want to be good. You want to do the right thing, but you need time.”
Folding his three-fingered hands in his lap, Kurt sighed and let his eyes slip closed.
“I'm not naïve enough to think that you vould just fall in love vith me over night. But I hoped so very much that you vould stay. That ve could keep seeing each other and maybe... maybe some day if I vas lucky, you vould learn to trust me and maybe love me back.”
Todd was bolted to the floor. He had absolutely no idea what to say to that. So he just stood there, shivering in the chilly room, staring at the downhearted form of his lover. He was so confused. On one hand he wanted nothing more than to run far far away to avoid having to deal with this, and on the other hand, he desperately wanted to go to Kurt and make their different pains disappear any way he could. Even if it meant renewing their old hatred and punching the pain to mince like they always had.
And somehow, that thought made all the difference. The only constant in his life had been the fighting. Even when Kurt had been lucky enough to have friends and even a girlfriend, he had never shied away from Todd, never backed down or ignored him. He had always taken on the challenge and been there to provide the only comfort there was to be found in Todd's turbulent life. Twisted, perhaps. But necessary for their mutual sanity.
But only Kurt had been attentive enough to see through their hurt and discover that there was more than mutual hostility between them, and still, even though he had loved the tragic mess that was Todd, he had kept the game afoot, knowing how much they both needed it. Todd realized that he DID trust Kurt. Had always trusted him to be there when reality hurt too much. Had even trusted him not to break his heart, when he decided to soak up some of the comfort offered so differently from the way they used to.
As much as he loathed admitting it, old Baldie was right. He needed time. Time to think. But he didn't have time. Tomorrow he would be gone.
Resigning himself to eating his pride and laying his soul bare, he quickly put on jeans and a t-shirt and left Kurt to seek out the only person who could fix this mess. He made his way swiftly through the mansion, hoping the Professor was still up.
Onwards.
Title: Through the Fog
Codes: X-men Evolution, Nightcrawler/Toad.
Part 15/19
Rating: PG-13 I guess.
Warnings: Err... cussing?
Beta: Ain't got one. Probably loads of weird errors and typos, but at least it's only myself who's to blame.
Feedback: Yes please. Even 'it sucks' would be appreciated.
Disclaimer: I don't own any green prehensile delights or fluffy goodness elfs. Or even the concepts thereof. *sigh* Not mine. At all. Oh I only wish.
Summary: Todd gets an unexpected visit from his past after 10 years, and the war moves in again.
Chapter 15.
Todd woke up to the strange sensation of a swelteringly hot, furred body pressed against his back and a wiry arm locked around his waist. The heat was stifling and he gently tried to pry himself free without waking Kurt. His blue lover mumbled in his sleep and tightened his hold, so in the end, Todd settled for flipping off the covers to allow himself a little air.
He felt very confused. He knew he had been dreaming, because he remembered bits and pieces, but somehow the big picture eluded him. Something with Wanda... and her father. Something important. Again he was struck by the powerful sense of urgency. There was something he needed to do. Something vital to... to... Wanda?
And then the thought slipped from him again, to his great frustration. Yet again he cursed Xavier to hell and back. Why did the damn cripple always have to fuck with people's minds? Before he came here he never dreamt stuff like this. The occasional wet dream or surreal drink-induced adventure, but never crazy shit like this. And he didn't like it at all. Not one bit.
He glanced at the clock beside the bed. It was early evening and the last rays of autumn sunlight was filtering through the drawn curtains. Despite the hours of sleep, he still felt exhausted, but his body was making demands that would force him out of bed shortly. He felt very hungry and needed a smoke badly. A second attempt of freeing himself from Kurt's tight hold proved futile, so he saw no other solution than waking up his bedmate.
Looking over his shoulder at the relaxed face of his companion, he almost regretted it. Kurt looked so peaceful- almost childlike innocent in his sleep. Like he was perfectly happy. Like there was no war, worry, nightmares or bad guys in the world. Todd wondered if he had ever looked like that. Somehow he doubted it. He felt an unfamiliar stab of tenderness for the man behind him and a sudden unwillingness to ever do anything remotely hurtful to him rushed through Todd. If anyone ever tried to hurt his fuzz ball, he would kill them. Simple as that.
And then he remembered. He was leaving. In less than twenty four hours he would be gone. Out of Fuzzy's life. Forever. He would be in no position to protect him, even if he wanted to. And right then he realized; he did want to. He wanted to stay with his blue elf and keep him safe from harm. He wanted to have more than another day of what they had. He wanted more. So much more. But he was leaving. He was! There was no way he would stay here. He couldn't. He wouldn't be welcome.
Oh sure, Baldie could say as much as he liked that there was room for anyone at the Xavier Institute but he was definitely the only one thinking that. Who would want to team up with The Toad? Kurt maybe, but by doing so he would alienate himself from his friends and teammates. And Todd was not about to let that happen. Kurt needed people. Todd had been alone for years and years. He was used to it. Kurt would not do well without his friends. Not even if he was with Todd. No.
He would leave. Xavier and the geeks would take care of Kurt. He would be ok. Plus, he was a grown man after all, he should be able to take care of himself. And who exactly saved who's ass last time there was trouble? The thought made him snort at his own silliness. Was geek central rubbing off on him, making him all mushy and sentimental? Or was it just too exhausting being cynical right then?
Shrugging off his unusual train of thought, he pried himself out of the stifling bed, this time with no concern for his sleeping partner. Kurt awoke with a small grunt when his arm was forced off Todd.
“Hm? Are you ok, Todd?”
Todd nodded without looking at Kurt. He didn't need all those mushy feelings right now. All he really needed was a smoke. Setting his feet down on the shockingly cold floor, made him reconsider leaving the house. He cursed the house rules for a minute and considered simply having his smoke in bed. In the end he settled for opening the window and stood shivering in the evening mist, inhaling his nicotine as fast as he could.
He jumped a little with surprise as Kurt laid his arms around his shoulders from behind, folded a blanket around them both and plastered his naturally super heated body against the goosebumped back of his amphibian lover. Todd stiffened for a second at the unfamiliar sensation, but quickly gave in to the delicious heat surrounding him.
“Are you sure you're ok, Liebling?”
Todd froze with his cigarette half way to his lips.
“What did you just call me?”
Kurt sounded a little embarrassed when he replied:
“Oh I'm sorry. Sometimes I can't help but use my native language. Liebling is German for... uhm... darling... or beloved.”
Somehow the whole situtation was suddenly just too much for Todd. Darling?! Who the hell would call him darling?! Without really wanting to, he burst out laughing. He laughed so hard, he had to cling to the windowsill to avoid falling to his knees. Kurt let out a small confused snicker, but was very aware that he was clearly missing something.
“Vhat? Vhat's so funny?”
The question simply made Todd laugh even more. Eventually his legs simply couldn't carry him anymore and and he slumped heavily to the floor, wheezing and gasping from his hysterical outburst. Clutching his stomach and rocking a little, he kept laughing and laughing, until the tears were streaming down his face.
Kurt eventually got worried that something was seriously wrong and knelt down to take a firm hold of Todd's shoulders.
“Look at me, Todd! Talk to me! Are you ok?”
Finally easing out of the laughing fit, Todd spent a few minutes simply catching his breath before meeting Kurt's worried, golden eyes. Wiping his face with his palms, he tried to pull himself together, but occasionally a little delayed snicker would slip out.
“I suck at this, Fuzzy. I really do. I ain't no darlin'. Or beloved or whatever.”
Kurt squeezed his shoulders to reinforce his words.
“You are. To me.”
Todd rasped out a bitter chuckle.
“No I damn well ain't. What have I ever brought you b'sides trouble, huh? Come on, get real, Fuzz Face. Summers hates you now, as much as he hates me. You risk your life to save my sorry ass, only to have my brains turned to mince by Baldie. Nobody likes The Toad, that's how it is. And a Toad who pukes his guts out and has nightmares every night is just a goddamn peach. No, man. Best stay clear of me, Fuzzy. I was never good news to anybody.”
Kurt pulled Todd close and hugged him tightly, ignoring the fact that Todd was completely unresponsive and simply hung limbly in his arms.
“I know this might be hard to believe, but you ARE good news to me. And I refuse to stay clear of you. You von't get rid of me that easy. Because I love you.”
Pulling out of the embrace, Todd got heavily to his feet and picked up the cigarette slowly burning its way through the veneer of the windowsill.
“I know. And I still think you're the one who needs a ride on Baldie's couch.”
Kurt froze at the words.
“You know? How?”
A little uncomfortable at the slip, Todd flicked his cigarette out of the window and busied himself with closing the window without looking at Kurt.
“Yeah. I kinda heard you and Summers havin' it on before I was kidnapped.”
Still on his knees on the floor, Kurt looked down, embarrassed by some of the things he remembered shouting at Scott in the heat of his anger, but even more downcast from Todd's reaction. His voice was small and defeated when he finally spoke again.
“I was hoping that telling you vould make a difference. That maybe you vouldn't leave.”
Todd kept his face away from Kurt and hugged himself in the chill. The blanket lay forgotten on the floor.
“Well that's just stupid.”
Kurt raised his head and narrowed his eyes at Todd, still with his back to him.
“If you really think I'm so stupid, then vhy did you spend all this time vith me this veek and - oh yeah- sleep with me?!”
Todd spun around to face the other mutant looking up at him with angry, feline eyes.
“Because I'm a selfish prick, Fuzzy. I thought you knew that. But either you're so stupidly in love that I seem like goddamn angel to you, or maybe I hit you too hard over the head last week!”
Pacing around the room, Todd felt like he was suddenly about to explode with all the frustration and confusion. This was all to damn difficult. He ranted on, hardly knowing what he was saying.
“The only reason I didn't break your damn neck on that roof, is that I was just about ready to turn myself over to Magneto, just so I wouldn't have to spend one more fuckin' day alone! Face it, the only people who care about freaks like you and me are other freaks.
“You think that tellin' me that you 'love me oh so very much' would magically make me see the error of my ways and become one of the geeks? I don't think so, Fuzz Face! I'm The Toad! Even if I suddenly lost my marbles and decided to stay, I wouldn't be any less alone! If people don't puke when they see me, they feel 'oh so sorry' for the freaky kid, who wasn't even good enough for the goddamn brotherhood!”
Kurt could only watch as Todd vented himself into a frenzy, letting off steam and slowly wearing down the floor in a persistent circular groove.
“Nobody loves The Toad! It's a fact of life, Blue Boy! And I'm done getting' my heart smashed into a zillion pieces every time someone is stupid enough to think different! You might think you love me, but you're wrong! Whatever mental illness made you think that in the first place, it'll wear off! Trust me, it's only a matter of time before you'll hate me like everybody else. Cause I ain't gonna change!
“Oh I tried! I tried to be the perfect kid my mom wanted! I tried to be invisible when my dad was around! I tried to be normal! I once drank a whole jug of bleach to make my tongue anythin' but green! I bathed every fuckin' day in whatever new poison I thought would work, just to stop smellin' like a fuckin' swamp! I'd rather have crusty scabs all over than bein' the stinky kid!
“I tried to be bad-ass for the brotherhood, I tried to be some sort of fuckin' supermutant for Wanda and I tried... goddammit I tried to be good enough for Magneto and his fuckin' war.”
Finally stopping his pacing, Todd leaned heavily on the windowsill, locked his eyes on the floor and sighed.
“I'm done, Fuzzy. I'm done tryin' to change what I am. I live with the facts. People don't like me, even when they get to know me. But if they wanna waste some time and money on my sorry hide, then I'll damn well take what I can get. Cause nothin' in life is for free. I'm selfish 'cause it's the only way to survive. So if it means lovin' and leavin' some poor soft hearted suckers to protect myself, then that's what I'm gonna do.”
Todd had ranted himself dry and stood for a while simply watching his breath fogging on the window, obscuring his faint reflection. He almost jumped when Kurt suddenly spoke again.
“I don't believe that you're so selfish. If you vere, then you vould never have helped us in the first place. You vould never have cared. You could have run off to Magneto and let him kill you, just to get it over vith, or maybe be lucky enough to be taken back. You could have kicked my ass on that roof top and left me to bleed to death. You could have told the Professor any crap you could think of and then go into hiding as soon as you could.
“You knew I loved you, and still you decided to spend time vith me. You told the Professor the truth and let him read your mind. You backed off from fighting Scott because I asked you to.”
Gathering the blanket around him, Kurt slowly stood up and went to sit on the bed, while Todd stared determinedly at the window, not really seeing. Kurt's voice was small but sincere when he continued:
“I think you're lying to yourself. I think you van't love and kindness as much as the rest of us, but you make it so hard for yourself. And for me. I just vant to be vith you and I'm grateful for this chance to show you how much I love you, even if it's only for a few days. But you don't want to believe me.”
Todd finally turned around and met Kurt's calm eyes with blazing anger quickly re-ignited.
“What do you know, Fuzzy? What do you know about anythin'? Didn't Baldie tell you what was in my brain? I know he told you somethin' about me!”
Surprisingly, Kurt didn't avert his eyes or look uncomfortable like Todd expected he would.
“Actually, yes, he did. He told me that you veren't ready to join us and that I vould break my heart being with you now. But he also told me that you're good. You want to be good. You want to do the right thing, but you need time.”
Folding his three-fingered hands in his lap, Kurt sighed and let his eyes slip closed.
“I'm not naïve enough to think that you vould just fall in love vith me over night. But I hoped so very much that you vould stay. That ve could keep seeing each other and maybe... maybe some day if I vas lucky, you vould learn to trust me and maybe love me back.”
Todd was bolted to the floor. He had absolutely no idea what to say to that. So he just stood there, shivering in the chilly room, staring at the downhearted form of his lover. He was so confused. On one hand he wanted nothing more than to run far far away to avoid having to deal with this, and on the other hand, he desperately wanted to go to Kurt and make their different pains disappear any way he could. Even if it meant renewing their old hatred and punching the pain to mince like they always had.
And somehow, that thought made all the difference. The only constant in his life had been the fighting. Even when Kurt had been lucky enough to have friends and even a girlfriend, he had never shied away from Todd, never backed down or ignored him. He had always taken on the challenge and been there to provide the only comfort there was to be found in Todd's turbulent life. Twisted, perhaps. But necessary for their mutual sanity.
But only Kurt had been attentive enough to see through their hurt and discover that there was more than mutual hostility between them, and still, even though he had loved the tragic mess that was Todd, he had kept the game afoot, knowing how much they both needed it. Todd realized that he DID trust Kurt. Had always trusted him to be there when reality hurt too much. Had even trusted him not to break his heart, when he decided to soak up some of the comfort offered so differently from the way they used to.
As much as he loathed admitting it, old Baldie was right. He needed time. Time to think. But he didn't have time. Tomorrow he would be gone.
Resigning himself to eating his pride and laying his soul bare, he quickly put on jeans and a t-shirt and left Kurt to seek out the only person who could fix this mess. He made his way swiftly through the mansion, hoping the Professor was still up.
Onwards.
