Therapy and stuff...

[ladydrace]

Therapy today was a doozey. First the group session where I did my best to participate, despite feeling so mentally tired that I thought I would pass out. Then my personal session where I spent most of the time trying to explain exactly what made me so tired and 5 mins before my time was up, I started crying. And kept on crying. Eventually I left my shrink's office and went to the bathroom to finish crying. I think I stood there for about 10 mins and sobbed my heart out. When it was over I was completely numb.

I went grocery shopping through the busy streets that usually make me uneasy, but I didn't feel a thing. Nothing at all. I'm not sure that's a good thing. Aren't I supposed to get more in touch with my feelings? I'm worried that I'm simply filing it somewhere in my brain until it runs over again. And that really sucks. But I dunno. I'm confused, concerned and tired. So very very tired. My soul is heavy and I feel old.

I'm too tired to write more.

Comments

[cyranothe2nd.livejournal.com]

I agree with everything that Lonespark said and will add that--therapy takes you through emotional stages, much like the stages of grief. There is this outpouring of emotion, then a numb time where you just can't do it anymore, and then you get angry or fired up--and then you get better. That's how it was for me (probably not how it is for everyone) but my point is that its fine. You aren't abnormal.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

I don't think my process will be quite so smooth. After all I've been pouring out emotion at different therapists for 15 years and have only gotten worse.

But if I follow your pattern just a little, I can't wait for the anger to arrive. I really think I could use a little more agression in my way too teary life.