Therapy and stuff...

[ladydrace]

Therapy today was a doozey. First the group session where I did my best to participate, despite feeling so mentally tired that I thought I would pass out. Then my personal session where I spent most of the time trying to explain exactly what made me so tired and 5 mins before my time was up, I started crying. And kept on crying. Eventually I left my shrink's office and went to the bathroom to finish crying. I think I stood there for about 10 mins and sobbed my heart out. When it was over I was completely numb.

I went grocery shopping through the busy streets that usually make me uneasy, but I didn't feel a thing. Nothing at all. I'm not sure that's a good thing. Aren't I supposed to get more in touch with my feelings? I'm worried that I'm simply filing it somewhere in my brain until it runs over again. And that really sucks. But I dunno. I'm confused, concerned and tired. So very very tired. My soul is heavy and I feel old.

I'm too tired to write more.

Comments

[lonespark.livejournal.com]

No.

I really think, for people with depression/anxiety, the short answer is no, we do not need to be more in touch with our feelings. We need to not deny them. We need to learn to speak up clearly about what we feel and how it's affecting us. But in the end, we are actually trying to have the feelings be less intense, and have them affect us less. To take things less personally. To let other people's actions and random events of the day just roll off.

Getting in touch with good feelings and spending more time experiencing them and remembering them and trying to replicate them is important and wonderful. But, really, I think therapy that only got you (not you, personally, the general "you") "in touch with your feelings" would not help you, and could hurt you and delay treatment to make you better.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

"But in the end, we are actually trying to have the feelings be less intense, and have them affect us less. To take things less personally. To let other people's actions and random events of the day just roll off."

Wow... that really hits the nail on the head! I think I need to reconsider exactly what I'm working towards with therapy. Having a goal would help, I suspect.

[lonespark.livejournal.com]

And...

Hugs, hugs, hugs.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :o)

[lonespark.livejournal.com]

And also, it sounds like a good thing that the therapy is letting you be in touch with your feelings in a safe environment, and then they aren't affecting you as much in the rest of your life. Hopefully doing that will get a little less painful and exhausting in the future, but you are doing really hard work, so of course you feel tired and old.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I knew before I started that it would be seriously hard. That doesn't stop me from whining about it, though. ;o)

[cyranothe2nd.livejournal.com]

I agree with everything that Lonespark said and will add that--therapy takes you through emotional stages, much like the stages of grief. There is this outpouring of emotion, then a numb time where you just can't do it anymore, and then you get angry or fired up--and then you get better. That's how it was for me (probably not how it is for everyone) but my point is that its fine. You aren't abnormal.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

I don't think my process will be quite so smooth. After all I've been pouring out emotion at different therapists for 15 years and have only gotten worse.

But if I follow your pattern just a little, I can't wait for the anger to arrive. I really think I could use a little more agression in my way too teary life.

[prelocandkanar.livejournal.com]

Yes, to all the above.

Therapy is really hard work. It's exhausting, draining, difficult, sometimes scary, sometimes confusing. No wonder you're tired.

Hang in there. Have faith (faith of the heart.... sorry. Random "Enterprise" song sneaking in there.)

We'll all cheer you on when it gets really hard. But for now, allow youself to be tired and exhausted. Don't be too hard on yourself. Oh, yeah, don't forget: you're doing all this, *and* you have a baby to take care of!! You deserve an award just for getting out of bed! :D

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Aw thanks. *hugs*

[abrandnewworld.livejournal.com]

Crying it out is a good thing. Feeling numb might just be you owning it and letting it all out. I'm a bit exhausted myself right now so i didn't read your other comments...might be repeating what is now obvious

Recovery is hard work.. you'll feel tired. It's ok. Just remember that emotions aren't wrong. Feel it, own it, roll around in it... then take action on it.. the negative ones will eventually lose power.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

God I really hope so. Thanks!