Good and bad.

[ladydrace]

Today we got a letter that Pea has been accepted at the daycare we were most happy with! YAY! He'll be starting on the first of February and I can't decide if I'm excited or terrified at the prospect. But it'll be good. I'm sure it will!

Black Funk of Doom keeps making an appearence and I feel worse than I have for a while. I spend a lot of time feeling close to tears or deeply frustrated with everything. Even Pea gets me on edge these days and that is simply unacceptable! I'm really dreading what will happen when Pea is ready for a full day of daycare, because then I'll most likely be put into some sort of work testing program. Not that that's bad, but damn, it scares the living daylights out of me. My insomnia is bad again and that's just adding to the pile of reasons why I feel like shit.

And another thing that really scares me, is that I'm starting to get tempted quite often to take a benzo. Just to get some fucking peace. It scares me even more, because my father's family is one long line of addicts. Alcohol mostly, but medicine too. And I DO NOT WANT to get into that!

I feel so incredibly alone, and yet, I can't stand being around other people. So that's just fucking peachy.

Enough whining.

Comments

[silkmoth101.livejournal.com]

Hey twin! *waves*
Try not to stress about the working program... if you're too ill to work no one can make you. And the benzos... I think it's good you have respect to not take too many but hey, this stuff is there for a reason, for the Black Funk of Doom. So do take them when you need them, okay? Better than... you know. *HUGS*

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

I suspected you might know how I feel. How often do you need to take benzos?

[silkmoth101.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm pretty sensitive to that stuff but for the last year I usual took one (1 mg) per day. If it's bad I take two but then the next day I mostly need none.
And when I have a good week and don't need anything I get a little headache on the second day without and that's it. So no addiction. My Psych doc always laughs when I'm telling I worry. :/

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

My docs keep screaming bloody murder if I talk about needing them. Apparently they're pretty damn strict about possibly addictive medicine. But considering I have 1 package and that I've had it for over 2 years now, and I'm not even half way through it. That should be saying something...

[silkmoth101.livejournal.com]

Well, if you ask me, that's just nonsense. Are these specialists (psychiatrists) we're talking about? If not, you should go to one of them.
These meds are not drops, that is much is clear, but they are there for a reason. So to make someone who needs them feel bad is the worst thing a doc can do. Especially IF you have problems taking them. That makes you even more careful, not the other way around. *grumbles* You taking Tafil or Tavor?

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

These are called Alopam, but they're in the same class. The drug is called oxacepam, but I think that's just a Danish type of benzo. At least, It says on the paper inside that these are in the benzo cathegory.

[silkmoth101.livejournal.com]

Mhm, it's Tafil. The same stuff I take. It's way milder than Tavor (that's what my fucking brother takes).
Really, try to get yourself an appoinment with a specialist, babe.
*snuggles you close*