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Good and bad.
Today we got a letter that Pea has been accepted at the daycare we were most happy with! YAY! He'll be starting on the first of February and I can't decide if I'm excited or terrified at the prospect. But it'll be good. I'm sure it will!
Black Funk of Doom keeps making an appearence and I feel worse than I have for a while. I spend a lot of time feeling close to tears or deeply frustrated with everything. Even Pea gets me on edge these days and that is simply unacceptable! I'm really dreading what will happen when Pea is ready for a full day of daycare, because then I'll most likely be put into some sort of work testing program. Not that that's bad, but damn, it scares the living daylights out of me. My insomnia is bad again and that's just adding to the pile of reasons why I feel like shit.
And another thing that really scares me, is that I'm starting to get tempted quite often to take a benzo. Just to get some fucking peace. It scares me even more, because my father's family is one long line of addicts. Alcohol mostly, but medicine too. And I DO NOT WANT to get into that!
I feel so incredibly alone, and yet, I can't stand being around other people. So that's just fucking peachy.
Enough whining.
Black Funk of Doom keeps making an appearence and I feel worse than I have for a while. I spend a lot of time feeling close to tears or deeply frustrated with everything. Even Pea gets me on edge these days and that is simply unacceptable! I'm really dreading what will happen when Pea is ready for a full day of daycare, because then I'll most likely be put into some sort of work testing program. Not that that's bad, but damn, it scares the living daylights out of me. My insomnia is bad again and that's just adding to the pile of reasons why I feel like shit.
And another thing that really scares me, is that I'm starting to get tempted quite often to take a benzo. Just to get some fucking peace. It scares me even more, because my father's family is one long line of addicts. Alcohol mostly, but medicine too. And I DO NOT WANT to get into that!
I feel so incredibly alone, and yet, I can't stand being around other people. So that's just fucking peachy.
Enough whining.
no subject
I'm sorry about the Black Funk Of Doom. I think you're very sensible to be wary of the pills...but if they help?
I'm supposed to be on prescription pain killers all the time, but I really don't want to be constantly popping pills, so I just take them when I need them most. I'm always so pleased when I have an icon to match my comment. XD
Hugs to you anyway, my dear. ♥
no subject
I guess I should just stop being so afraid and take them when I need them. The doc wouldn't have given them to me if he thought I would have trouble handling it, would he?
Yay for appropriate icon. :oP