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Jan. 2nd, 2010
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Fanfic quote of the day
Jan. 2nd, 2010 09:22 pmI watch as he works -- he doesn't know it, but I watch all the same.From I Watch... by Heather Cook.
2010 off to a great start... not.
Jan. 2nd, 2010 11:52 pmWell... this is promising for 2010. Maybe by next Christmas I'll be over all this shit.
After a rough Christmas of family hubub and having the flu, we decided to take the chance and have Pea babysat out of the house. He seemed to be pretty much over his phase of mommy and daddy only, so we called his auntie and she gladly took him for a few hours. It was looking very good. He was completely happy with Auntie driving off with him, so I took a 3 hour nap, feeling pretty ok. I should have known it wasn't that easy.
When he was brought home again, Auntie explained (calmly, I must say) that apart from the first 15 mins and the few hours he slept, he cried like a maniac the rest of the visit. She even videotaped some of his crying, to explain to us how he was. She then proceeded to give out tons of (in her view) fantastically good advice and making me cry. Not that she said a single harsh word. She took it all extremely mildly.
There are several problems with this, at least for me.
1. We are aware how horrid he is when he's afraid/unhappy/angry/whatever. We are aware that he has a temper. Auntie was of the impression that the manner of crying he displayed with her must be entirely foreign to us. Let's just say... it's not. This is the exact reason we haven't had him babysat outside the house for a while, because he was crying just like that when anyone but us merely looked at him for the past 2 months. We did warn her, and she has experienced it before. So it annoyed me pretty much that she seemed to think we were blind and deaf to him, because he's our little angel or whatnot.
2. The good advice. *sigh* She kept saying repeatedly, that it wasn't because she was being a bitch, she was just trying to help us. And logically, I know that. But damn, it pisses me off, when a woman give me advice about infant care, when she herself regularly called her mother to come pick up her "little devils", when they pissed her off. I've never done any such thing, and yes, I'm aware of how hard it is babysitting him, but we are working on it, dammit.
3. Part of the advice was getting out more. Well thanks, but this is exactly where the root of my problem is. And this is also where I started crying, because I know damn well that my mental problems will be rubbing off on him. Naturally, when he sees me being uncomfortable around strangers (or even family), he will be the same way. And it sucks, and I've spent months berating myself over this. And all the good advice in the world will not make me able to come out more, or to be able to recieve more visits. She did offer to come pick hubby and Pea up once in a while, if I wasn't up for company, but with hubby's acting, I fail to see how we're gonna make that happen. It'll be me on baby-duty mostly until February and by then, Pea will probably have started daycare.
4. Another advice was controlling his sleeping pattern. Right now, he sleeps roughly every 3 hours for an hour or so. We put him down for a nap when he's tired. If we don't, he becomes very cranky and he doesn't sleep any longer if he's awake longer. She wanted him to learn how to have a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day and then be awake the rest of the time. Is that even possible with a 7 month old baby? I dunno. I doubt he can do that for a good while yet. She was worried about daycare and their routines (mentioning the screaming a LOT) but when we spoke to the daycare people a while ago they didn't worry at all. They said the kids learn the routine at their own pace, so I trust them.
Basically, I'm sick and tired of "good advice". Can we just be allowed to be parents on our own? What the hell is it with the world, that makes everybody think it's their business how we take care of our son??
LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE, PLEASE!
Also, my brain is gleefully telling me how it was right and I was wrong. That I'm a terrible mother and that I should never have had kids and that this just proves everything I've ever tortured myself over. Shut the fuck up, brain. Nobody likes you anyway.
After a rough Christmas of family hubub and having the flu, we decided to take the chance and have Pea babysat out of the house. He seemed to be pretty much over his phase of mommy and daddy only, so we called his auntie and she gladly took him for a few hours. It was looking very good. He was completely happy with Auntie driving off with him, so I took a 3 hour nap, feeling pretty ok. I should have known it wasn't that easy.
When he was brought home again, Auntie explained (calmly, I must say) that apart from the first 15 mins and the few hours he slept, he cried like a maniac the rest of the visit. She even videotaped some of his crying, to explain to us how he was. She then proceeded to give out tons of (in her view) fantastically good advice and making me cry. Not that she said a single harsh word. She took it all extremely mildly.
There are several problems with this, at least for me.
1. We are aware how horrid he is when he's afraid/unhappy/angry/whatever. We are aware that he has a temper. Auntie was of the impression that the manner of crying he displayed with her must be entirely foreign to us. Let's just say... it's not. This is the exact reason we haven't had him babysat outside the house for a while, because he was crying just like that when anyone but us merely looked at him for the past 2 months. We did warn her, and she has experienced it before. So it annoyed me pretty much that she seemed to think we were blind and deaf to him, because he's our little angel or whatnot.
2. The good advice. *sigh* She kept saying repeatedly, that it wasn't because she was being a bitch, she was just trying to help us. And logically, I know that. But damn, it pisses me off, when a woman give me advice about infant care, when she herself regularly called her mother to come pick up her "little devils", when they pissed her off. I've never done any such thing, and yes, I'm aware of how hard it is babysitting him, but we are working on it, dammit.
3. Part of the advice was getting out more. Well thanks, but this is exactly where the root of my problem is. And this is also where I started crying, because I know damn well that my mental problems will be rubbing off on him. Naturally, when he sees me being uncomfortable around strangers (or even family), he will be the same way. And it sucks, and I've spent months berating myself over this. And all the good advice in the world will not make me able to come out more, or to be able to recieve more visits. She did offer to come pick hubby and Pea up once in a while, if I wasn't up for company, but with hubby's acting, I fail to see how we're gonna make that happen. It'll be me on baby-duty mostly until February and by then, Pea will probably have started daycare.
4. Another advice was controlling his sleeping pattern. Right now, he sleeps roughly every 3 hours for an hour or so. We put him down for a nap when he's tired. If we don't, he becomes very cranky and he doesn't sleep any longer if he's awake longer. She wanted him to learn how to have a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day and then be awake the rest of the time. Is that even possible with a 7 month old baby? I dunno. I doubt he can do that for a good while yet. She was worried about daycare and their routines (mentioning the screaming a LOT) but when we spoke to the daycare people a while ago they didn't worry at all. They said the kids learn the routine at their own pace, so I trust them.
Basically, I'm sick and tired of "good advice". Can we just be allowed to be parents on our own? What the hell is it with the world, that makes everybody think it's their business how we take care of our son??
LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE, PLEASE!
Also, my brain is gleefully telling me how it was right and I was wrong. That I'm a terrible mother and that I should never have had kids and that this just proves everything I've ever tortured myself over. Shut the fuck up, brain. Nobody likes you anyway.