Lady Drace

It seems everyone and their dog is suddenly using AO3 to post their stuff. So far I've been hesitant to start posting there, simply because I am already posting in a million other places, and I can only keep track of so much. But I keep hearing how awesome it is, so now I ask you, my wonderful f-list! Is it worth it?

I have... *counts* something like 120 fics scattered across various fandoms, and to post them all in a new place would be one heck of a job. I already once tried another archive site (Ad Astra) but I found posting complicated and the site wasn't always very user friendly. Plus, it's only for the Trek stuff, and as much as I love my Trek writing, I will always be a multi-fandom writer.

So far I've been using my website as archive for my own convenience, and I will keep doing that in the future. But AO3 has impressed me so far with its easy access and MASSIVE amount of fic, even though it's still fairly new.

So what do you guys think? All opinions welcome!

I've been pondering what I ship. Or rather, what tends to attract me to any sort of ship.

First of all, I'm an avid slasher, so off the bat I'm generally more enthusiastic about the male/male ships. But I think I've finally nailed my major point of attraction to any ship.

Reluctance. Be it clashing of personalities, status, race, breed, culture, whatever. If the parties involved are facing obstacles and yet gravitating towards each other, I'm almost always interested. The characters have to be really unappealing for me to not care at all. Not that I ship everything to the same degree, but my enthusiasm pretty much dies when the ship is all smooth sailing.

Occasionally there are exceptions. The most notable one being Bones/Booth. Not that I was into that fandom a lot, but when the couple became canon I quit. Despite the fact that for all appearances, the ship had anything I needed to love it. They were wildly different characters, both fairly likable, who butted heads frequently but still bonded. They should have appealed to me. But making them a couple pretty much killed the show for me. Bah.

Come to think of it, many of the couples I ship I wouldn't actually like to be canon. The premise of the shows I love aren't normally romance, so my romantic fantasies usually fit much better in fanfic, especially when the ship is between two major characters. (Let's not discuss the pairings that I ship just because they're hot. That's a whole other topic.)

This might make me seem like a bit of a hypocrite to some, but I don't care. My shipping habits are strange and unpredictable, but I have a hell of a lot of fun with them. :)

For kiddywonkus  who actually wanted to know my thoughts on this. It may well be TL;DR for pretty much everybody else.

First of all, a disclaimer. I don't actually know anything about propulsion, advanced mechanics or have even anything more than the most basic understanding of physics. I am not smart in this area, so prepare for some possibly very stupid theories on how Star Trek engines work.

What sparked this post initially was the question of why there didn't seem to be an engineering area on DS9. My simplest theory on this is that since a space station is not actually meant to go very far in any direction, it doesn't need a huge section for propulsion alone like a starship would. I am assuming here that a large part of what goes on in engineering is centered around making the thing "go". I know it has other functions, but perhaps due to size and ship design or even just practicality, I suppose it makes sense to have it all in one place.

DS9 is not only a completely different sort of beast, it's also huuuuuuuge. The Enterprise is just one of at least 6 full-size vessels able to dock simultaneously at any given time. If we ignore design entirely for a moment, it's actually possible that DS9 has not one, but perhaps dozens of engineering sections, all of them easily the same size as the one on the Enterprise, just to produce enough juice to keep the thing floating or whatever. This would not surprise me at all, since it was very clear in the first episode that O'Brien getting the job of Chief Engineer of DS9 was a big step up for him.

DS9 also has a lot of things starships don't. Docking pylons, storage bays the size of a small village, a frickin' strip mall! I have no idea how much energy this stuff would require to keep running, but I imagine it would be a lot. DS9 does have a central core, but it's fairly vague what actually happens there. Does it produce energy? Is it where the big red "off" switch is? Is it merely a junction for all the Jeffrey's Tubes? Nobody really knows. The only thing we really do know is that blowing it up would be bad.

Also, depending on when in the series we are, DS9 has proven capable of:
-Keeping between 2 and 7 thousand people alive and happy at any given time.
-Holding off an entire Klingon fleet.
-Holding off a Dominion fleet (!!)
-Producing effective shielding for an area maybe 50 times the size of the Enterprise.
-Churning out a frankly massive amount of mines to block the wormhole, so one can assume the capacity for production is also fairly huge.

So the sheer amount of power needed is already mindblowing. For practicality, it makes sense not to have it all in one place, so if something should break down it will only affect part of the station. We fairly often hear of the pylons breaking down, so I assume they at least have their own closed systems. I also like to assume that several other systems run independently. Like weapons, transporters and life support. Considering some of the juggling they do with technobabble through the show, this seems highly likely.

The arguments above are pretty much exclusively based on practicality. If we move on to design, there's a whole different level to consider.

DS9 is Cardassian in design. And not only that, it wasn't originally even a space station as such. It was an ore processing plant. It was never built to be a major defensive point, a diplomatic nexus or even to be all that comfortable to live on. It was full of slaves and grudgingly stationed military. (Apart from Dukat, who seemed to love it there.) So the fact that eventually thousands of people seem to live quite happily there is an accomplishment in itself, and it's hardly surprising that the steps taken to keep the thing going, for something that was never its original purpose, would involve some heavy re-designing. If nothing else, O'Brien seems vastly imaginative about how to keep things running. For all we know, the smattering of engineering sections could be mostly just him pulling a Frankenstein to hold everything together and make the Cardassian systems work along with the Federation ones.

Add to that the fact that we don't actually know the logistics of Cardassian engineering, and we're in a completely different ball park. Perhaps whatever makes Cardassian systems go round can't actually be kept in one place for whatever reason. Maybe the placement of the systems was originally just for decorative purposes? We can't deny that there's something artistic about the design overall. There's not a lot of information to back up any of these theories, so really, the sky's the limit with this.



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Something has been bothering me lately.

This might be an unpopular opinion, at least in some of the internet circles I frequent. But this in not a set opinion, just me pondering. So feel free to offer other opinions or opposing points of view.

Some of you may remember Storm, the child whose gender was kept secret by its parents? Or maybe Sasha, who was only revealed to be a boy at age 5.

The idea is to give your child choice. And I am all for that. In my own upbringing I was never told by my parents that anything was exclusively for boys or girls. I played with Barbie dolls one moment and cars the next. It wasn't made a big deal out of. I was lucky.

While the idea is commendable, I'm having a really hard time seeing how actually pulling off giving your child a real choice is possible. Can you make a choice that young, while understanding the implications of such a choice at all? Choosing toys or clothes is a fairly simple process and I am 100% behind letting your kid express itself however it wants. But what worries me is that children are little sponges that pick up on even tiny things. Even when you struggle to remain neutral, nobody can ever completely avoid giving off signs of opinion. Every person a child comes into contact with rubs off, however minutely, so unless you keep your kid in a box, you'll never be able to completely avoid being exposed to gender opinions.

The thing is, there are reasons for wanting your child to have the ultimate choice. It could be politics, idealism or just wanting your child to have choices you never had. Now, imagine you were stuffed into frilly dresses your whole childhood, while you would really rather play with trucks... can you say with 100% certainty that watching your son go against the grain, like you never could, and pick out something frilly, or your daughter choosing a truck over a doll won't affect you emotionally? Can you say for sure that you don't heave a little sigh of relief, because your kids seem educated or free enough to choose their preference, rather than what they feel is expected of them?

While this is natural and to be expected, I find it a little naïve to hope that your kids will never pick up on this. Some never do, luckily, but others will. And do you know for sure that your child isn't that super sensitive one, who just wants to make mommy happy, whatever it takes?

Because that takes the choice to another level. The choice is no longer about personal preference, but about what is expected (or hoped for, which is a very difficult concept to separate, especially for small children).

I think what I'm getting at here are self-fulfilling prophecies. Can you say for sure that your child isn't developing in a certain direction because that's what you hoped for?

While it may sound good, it does take the choice away from the kid again. See what I mean?

I understand why you would want to avoid stereotyping. But I also feel that giving no direction at all is equally extreme. Everything is about extremes these days. Girls must be all pink, boys must be all muddy and if you want to avoid that you need to be completely empty of gender. I don't like that. There seems to be no middle ground.

I could never raise my child neutrally. And neither would I really want to. But just because my child is a boy, that doesn't mean I dictate his preferences. I try my best to show him what his options are and educate him on choices that are too big for him to make yet.

I'm pretty sure that parents who raise gender neutral children will reply that "this is exactly what we're doing", but I'm not so sure it's having the effect they're really hoping for. Whatever that might be. Changing the world, maybe? Because if that is the case, I would much prefer they didn't make their kids a political statement. Kids should be kids. Not symbols.

Thoughts, questions, comments? All is welcome.

I'm a fangirl. I'm not ashamed to admit it. This means I spend an awful lot of time looking at, reading about and generally flailing with glee over who or what ever catches my fancy. Usually, when it's about a person, it's because I find them physically appealing. Not that I can't also respect their talent, but I won't deny that normally, what makes me aware of a new celebrity crush is their looks.

However, this doesn't mean that I believe them to be any sort of standard for who I hope to get involved with romantically.

Because while it's amazingly fun to speculate, fantasize and joke about the handsome devils decorating my web-haunts, that's ultimately not where I go looking for love and consequently, when I do go looking, different rules apply.

I see so many fellow fans cry and wail over how they will "never find anyone as perfect as [celebrity in question]" and angst endlessly over how they will "end up alone" or similar sentiments. Sometimes I know it's meant as a joke, but way too often I fear it's meant quite seriously. This saddens me.

Do people truly believe that they have to live up to some ridiculous standard to be deserving of love? And while we're on the subject, do all these beautiful people tend to make you forget all the not-so-beautiful yet still fantastically awesome people out there who you could be so very happy with?

Because it goes both ways. Some people apparently look in the mirror and see something repugnant that no one will ever find attractive, but sadly, many of those very same people see the same thing when looking out the window. What happened to liking people for who they are and not what they look like?

Picture this: Prince Charming comes along on his mighty steed, sweeps you off your feet, showers you with love, respects you for who you are, tells you every day that you are beautiful and has every quality you ever admired. Nice, right? Only now I tell you that he weighs 350 pounds. Can you honestly say that he's still your Prince Charming?

If you can, then you are one of the wonderful few who finds love where it is - under the skin. And by George, I wish there were more of us.

So. Having finally admitted that I'm a Supernatural fangirl and shipping Dean/Cas like the fucking navy, I did the only sensible thing and read some dirty NC-17 fanfic.

As it turns out, there is a problem with this, because apparently, someone in the fandom thought that it would be neato if angels could self-lubricate and promptly invented "oil glands". Angels- equipped for your gay pleasure. And it has caught on like goddamn wildfire!

I'm sorry, but this is the last straw. I've been polite about it before, but goddammit, I draw the line here!

PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PEOPLE! STOP IT WITH THE SELF-LUBING!

I get it. I really do. Because it's so easy and tempting.

Aliens? Well, naturally their physiology would be different from Humans and could easily include self-lubing peen. It could very well just be me, but unless the writer thinks up a damn good explanation as to why the self-lubing occurs, I'll reserve my right to see it as a shortcut to avoid writing realistic gay sex.

Magical lube-spell? (I'm looking at you, Harry Potter fandom!) I can kinda buy this one, because if I was a horny teenager with a magic wand, I would get really fucking creative really fast. But woah, I cannot help but imagine how many poor teens end up in the hospital from lust-addled, mispronounced spells. Especially the lube/stretch/inside/outside thing. Honestly, I get that you're horny, but couldn't you just conjure up a tub of lube and do the work yourself? Evidently not. Mortifying medical emergency, HERE I COME!

Angel-lube? I think I can sort of see where the idea might have come from. Without looking into it too closely, I seem to recall certain water fowl have some sort of oil glands, meant to waterproof their feathers during grooming. But from there to lube? Good GOD, people!

Note: This is very much my personal opinion and not meant as an affront to readers or writers of the above. I might not find it hot AT ALL, but if this is your kink, do feel free to enjoy it whenever possible. However, if you only write self-lubing because you don't know about gay sex, then for god's sake, just admit you've never bought lube and consequently have no idea how it works. Watch some gay porn (there's plenty online) and get back to writing realistic sex. Thank you. If you believe that self-lubing is somehow less messy or less complicated than regular sex, then I personally think you're missing the point.

Having been reading (and writing) fanfic for years now, it came as something of a surprise to me when I realized the other day that there's something I've never taken into account when I post fic.

Every time I sit down to write a fic, I have only canon as fixed points. (Unless of course it's an AU.) Anything I've written before is out of my mind as soon as it's posted and plays no part in later fics. (Excluding only sequels and my drabble series.)

I never considered that this could be a point of confusion to my readers, but recently I discovered that many writers tag their fics: One-shot. I often considered this almost too much information, since the length and such would suggest it was just a small piece. But I completely failed to realize that some other writers create very firm head-canon when they write, so even while they don't label anything as a series or sequels, it's sometimes a given that facts revealed in earlier fics are still valid.

I don't. Sure, I have certain things I prefer to revisit in most of my fics, but I can just as easily decide to deviate from it if the bunny demands it. So this leaves me with the question: Should I label my future fics "one-shots"? Seriously, all my fics are one-shots to some degree or other, because I'm not the kind of writer who churns out the epic novellas. I stick to the short and light. It's just my thing.

As an example I can take my recent fic in which I explore Garak and Bashir's differences in sex drive. In Natural Decline (Or Lack Thereof) I portray Garak (or indeed any Cardassian) as having a ridiculously high sex drive, forming the basis for a funny little story. In an earlier fic: A Fistful of Garaks I go the other way and have Bashir being the one with the over active sex drive, which there is at least some basis for in canon.

Now, anyone reading either fic first might take that version as my personal canon and become confused when reading the other. I dunno, am I over-analyzing this? Are my readers smarter than this? Or should I cover all bases and outline more in the fic description?

I'd love input on this!

Having a baby is one thing. While an infant is constantly demanding, its demands are generally fairly simple. Eat, sleep, poop. And if you're unlucky, it needs a doctor. While the child is still in the baby stage, you still get to do things your way most of the time, even though the time you have for yourself is as good as gone.

When your kid hits the toddler stage, you get more time for yourself, as the child becomes more self sufficient, your house arrives at some sort of stalemate in the constant child-proofing of things and you can actually get a few things done around the house, while the kid plays in its room/corner/bed/pen/where ever. The physical demands of the child are still seen to somehow and if you're lucky, you'll be allowed to sleep at night.

However, one thing becomes ridculously complicated once the kid achives a sense of self and suddenly develops willpower to rival most marathon runners:

Doing things your way.

All your years of shaping your habits and routines are flushed out the toilet as everything becomes a matter of how easy you can make every little thing. And suddenly easy doesn't mean what you thought it did. Before "toddler" you would do things which ever way seemed more simple/time-efficient/practical. Now, however, easy means: "How do I get this task done while keeping toddler happy?" If it means you have to put shoes on the kid before trousers or mop a swimming pool off your floor every time you do dishes, then that's just how it'll be. After the 50th tantrum, most of us either allow the kid its preferred routine or get inventive to reach some sort of compromise. Personally, I keep toy cars a-plenty in my handbag and I wear shoes inside the house if there is merely a glimmer of kiddo wanting to go outside anytime soon. Because that makes things easier.

It's not big changes, but there are a million of them and it's bloody exhausting having to rethink everything, like how you pull on your pants or eat your dinner a thousand times a day.

I admit that it might just be because I have control issues that this part has proved the most difficult for me, but wow, I really wish someone would have warned me about this particular problem. "You'll have no life." "Give up the idea of free time." "Expect constant stress and worry for the rest of your life." Those are some of the regular warnings you get when you announce to the world that you're "expecting". But then again, I might not have taken someone seriously if they'd told me that "In a couple of years, you will be  hiding in your bedroom when you have to zip a bag shut." Even if the warning had come, I doubt I would ever really have understood.

I actually often frowned at people who said things like: "Until you have kids, you won't understand." I don't anymore. (Not as much anyway) Because... this? This is beyond imagining.

But to end this on a happy note, I have to say that there's nothing more amazing in my world than when a sticky little hand reaches for mine, so sure that it'll be there that there's no need to look for it or any hesitation. Knowing that all your troubles has lead to this little Human trusting you whole-heartedly is a very special thing. My son is truly an awesome little person. :o)

In memory of family and friends who have lost the battle with cancer; and in support of the ones who continue to conquer it! Post this on your blog if you know someone who has or had cancer.
93% won't copy and paste this. Will you?

(Rest in Peace, Dear Maude. You were a rocking chick. )

So, I was around the web on a lot of "love yourself" sites today and watched (and read) a few fat rants, which inspired my own. It's very much about me, so if you can't be bothered to watch it, trust me, I won't get hurt. ;o)