Lady Drace

I posted this on tumblr a while back, and I totally intended to post it here as well! But... I forgot. Shame on me.

So here it is, better late than never!

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My past kinda sucks in a lot of ways, so normally I look to the future for comfort instead. But right now my immediate future looks really fucking grim, so right now, all my comfort lies with fandom.

I'm pretty sure I'm taking escapism to the next level. And I'm really fine with that.

In regards to the Pea situation, all I'm gonna say is that denial is a beautiful thing. Everything is set in motion, so there's nothing more I can really do other than worry myself silly. So I'm making extreme effort to not think about it. At all.

To help with this, I downloaded all 10 seasons of Stargate SG-1 and started a marathon. Not even kidding. I started watching only a couple of weeks ago and I'm already several episodes into season 5.

I'm not all that into it, to be honest, but it's decent entertainment and distracts me nicely. The first 2 seasons made me constantly roll my eyes because it was so silly, but I sternly reminded myself that first seasons are often like that. (TNG season 1, oh boy...)

Other stuff that keeps my mind off dangerous topics is smut. Not that smut isn't an awfully nice thing in general, but it seems my brain takes comfort in pushing the limits of my normal kinks. I'm delving into BDSM and watersports fics, and I'm frankly disappointed at how little there is of this in the SPN fandom, even on the kink meme (which is usually so scary to me that I hardly dare look at it. Bestiality, man... *shudder*). Guess I'll have to write what I want myself. I already did, actually.

I was feeling horribly down and in desperate need of some nice feedback, so I went back to what works (since my Dog Walker fic is getting a very lukewarm response) and posted a D/s smut thing I found in my folders. I posted a hesitant first part on tumblr and the response was overwhelming, so before I knew it I'd written almost 4k of sabriel D/s, powered by huge amounts of notes. It's here, if anyone wants to read it. Some day I'll probably have it betaed and posted properly, but for now I'm drowning in the moving process, so it'll have to wait.

Speaking of the moving process, there are ups and downs. It's fucking complicated and stressful, but it's going steadily ahead and 9 days from now, I'll have a new home. I got a moving company at a great price, got the loan for my deposit and all I need now is the key to my new place. Should hear from the leasers about signing the lease sometime this week, and I hope to get the keys at the same time.

Now... I guess I can't procrastinate packing any longer. *le sigh*

Back in the day when I discovered DS9 and the joys of Garak/Bashir, I managed to find and read pretty much every fic still available on the web in just about a year's time. Of course, every now and then something would crop up that I somehow missed, or someone would write something new, but it was pretty rare with months in between.

So I got it in my head that I would be able to gather sort of an archive of Garak/Bashir fics. Just links, making it easier to look for and share fics with my fellow Garak/Bashir fans.

Had things stayed like they were then, I might have been able to pull it off, but several factors have now finally forced me to admit that it was a way too ambitious project for me.

First of all, I should have been self-aware enough to realize that other fandoms would arrive and take some of my time. I'm still a major Garak/Bashir fan, and I could probably singlehandedly run a G/B ficfinder blog if anyone actually needed something like that. But most of my energy lies elsewhere these days, both in my personal life and in other fandoms.

And then of course there's the glorious fact that Garak/Bashir isn't nearly as dead as I'd thought. New fics seem to be written almost weekly these days, and while that makes me very happy, it also means that my hopes of keeping up with the influx of new fics (and the constant changing of links and closing of pages in the internet) pretty much impossible.

So I've decided to give up on my garakbashirfics comms on livejournal and dreamwidth.

I'm going to leave them open for a while, in case someone wants to take over the projects, but I doubt it. Instead, I think I will make it a sticky post on my journal (and maybe even on the garakbashirfics too) that anyone interested can have my entire folder of saved fics sent to them. I try to save pretty much every G/B fic I've ever read, so while the search option will have to be abandoned, the material is still available.

"I'm sorry, the brain you are trying to reach is currently out of order, due to massive amounts of ASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKL. We apologize for the inconvenience."

Now for something more pleasant.

There's next to nothing fandom related going on either on Dreamwidth or Livejournal these days. At least not on my f-list or the communities I frequent. There are some fics being posted, but almost all of them are WIPs, and I just can't read WIPs. Especially not several at a time. It's a mixed problem on my part. I'm so very tempted to read everything, but I get confused too easily and goddammit, if the writing is really good, then the mere idea of the WIP never reaching an ending upsets me to the point of being unreasonable about it. So I prefer to wait it out.

So these days I mostly stick to Tumblr. My Supernatural cravings in particular are being sated there. But wow, I clearly do not take it as seriously as most of my followers/followed do. I don't see it as a serious blog at all, not for me. I'm still having difficulties posting stuff there and the search engine went suddenly from being awesome to impossible. Not sure how or when. :oS I don't really understand the point of the questions and fanmail (isn't it what we do with memes on LJ? Is it something to do with the word limit on asks? I dunno.) or indeed the desperation some people seem to exhibit when requesting it. I hate not being able to leave longer comments on things and reblogging the same post for every single reply in a lengthy debate is just hurting my eyes and my scroll finger in the end.

But it seems to be where everything happens these days. And I do adore gifs to an unhealthy degree. And I seem to have gotten myself a Tumblr wife. Whaddya know. :oP

Apart from that, I sort of half-heartedly check Twitter every now and then. If I'm lucky, I can find a couple of people to IM with a few hours every night. And that's pretty much the extent of my social life. Which I suppose is why I fill my head with fannish pursuits.

Writing:

I joined a birthday fic challenge on a whim and chose a tiny prompt, because I hoped it would be a nice little thing to boost my writing mojo. Of course, it just had to turn into a 10k word monster, which I was seriously worried wouldn't be finished in time. But only last night I managed to reach an ending, and while it's not my best fic ever, I actually think it turned out very well. I do so hope the recipient likes it. :o)

Tumblr also has a Sabriel (Sam/Gabriel) week coming up and I would really like to offer something daily for it. Not sure what it would be, though. Writing would be the immediate choice, but graphics could also be fun. Haven't fiddled with my dear photoshop in ages. But I guess it all depends on energy, time and inspiration. It's from April 1st to April 8th, so I've got a little time to decide, yet. It's perfect, though, because the birthday fic is Sam/Gabriel and is due on the 7th of April. :oP

As usual I have a bazillion WIPs in my folders and I can't seem to focus on one at a time. Most of my writing this year has actually been done in my RP with martiya_khvar , but I'm doubtful any of that writing will actually interest anybody else. Except maybe the sex scenes. I dunno. Would any SPN fans on my F-list like to read an awful lot of Crowley/OMC sex? Because that's pretty much all that's going on. Best RP ever. :oP

Other stuff:

My embroidery project has pretty much screeched to a halt with all the stressing over all the people and stuff going on in my life, but I have a year before it's needed, since I'm told there's no plans for any sort of baptism or naming ceremony. So the plan is to make the picture a 1-year birthday gift for the baby. I can also report that even though I managed to make an incredibly big fuck-up, I also managed to fix it without panicking. Go me.

My other fannish pursuits involves reading an awful lot of fic. Right now I'm craving smutty Merlin/Arthur or Bradley/Colin fic. Thank god for the kinkmeme. :oP I've also dipped my toe into SPN RPS. I've read a little of everything by now, I think, but weirdly, the only pairing that truly appeals to me in that area is Misha/Jared. I'm not entirely sure why. I just like them together. And it's absolutely no problem for me to have Misha/Jared smut open in one tab and squee over Jared and Gen's baby in another. I'm easy like that.

And while we're on the subject of SPN...

TV: (No real spoilers here.)

SPN: CAAAAAAASSSSSS!!!! OH MY FREAKIN' GOD!! After all the angsting and expecting the worst from Castiel's return episode, we were instead gifted with PURE GOLD! I made so many strange noises I hope my neighbours don't end up thinking some exotic animals are breeding in here. When the trench coat appeared, I fear I may have made a noise not unlike a penguin being strangled. And there are at least 2 more episodes to come!! *runs around flailing arms*

Everything else seems to pale compared to SPN, actually... But in short:

Community got renewed. Yay!
NCIS is good as always.
Castle is going down a notch in my estimation for every episode where the Castle/Beckett part is being ignored.
CSI Miami is now finally behind me. Cannot bear it anymore. *sob*
Fringe is kinda breaking my heart along with my brain. I'm very conflicted about my feelings on this matter, but I'm still totally hooked.
H50 is being entertaining, but unimpressive. Thankfully there is slash. So much beautiful Danny/Steve.

And I think that's it for now.

When I tell people that I'm obsessed with something new (or old), they tend to assume that I treat all my obsessions the same. But I don't. And I honestly can't tell you why.  Weirdly, every fandom appeals to me differently.

Example:

NCIS. I watch every episode religiously and enjoy every re-run. I know all the characters, I love them and get involved in their stories. Heck, I even bought merchandise. But I feel no need to buy the DVDs, read/write fanfic or otherwise get involved in fandom. I don't care about news about the actors, gossip, plot debates... nothing. I enjoy it purely for its entertainment value.

In comparison:

Supernatural. I watch, read, write, chat, browse and basically eat up every scrap of news available, even to the point of making myself uncomfortable. I read as much fanfic about my ships as I can possibly manage and it's some sort of miracle that I've so far managed to steer clear of any ship wars.

In between these two extremes there are a multitude of gray areas. Some fandoms will only inspire me to read about a single paring, while never watching the series itself again. Others will be the kind I can rewatch endlessly but feel no need to read or write about.

This... was supposed to be a lot longer, but I seem to have run out of steam.

Grabbed from mr_picard 

Give me a fandom and I'll tell you:

1. The first character I fell in love with:
2. The character I never expected to love as much as I do now:
3. The character everyone else loves that I don’t:
4. The character I love that everyone else hates:
5. The character I would shag anytime:
6. The character I’d want to be like:
7. The character I’d slap:
8. Favorite character:
9. Who are your five favorite characters?
10. Who are your five least favorite characters?
11. Which character are you most like?
12. What is your deep, dark secret regarding this?
13. A pairing that I love:
14. A pairing that I despise:


Fandoms include: Supernatural, CSI Miami, NCIS, Star Trek DS9, (And TNG), BBC's Merlin, BBC's Sherlock, White Collar, Hawaii 5-0, Fringe, Criminal Minds, Castle, X-Men movieverse, X-Men Evolution and lots and lots of other things. Jeez.

GOT MY DEAN/CAS SECRET SANTA GIFT TODAY! AND I CAN'T EVEN...

Go see it! YOU HAVE TO! (NSFW, btw...)

First of all, I totally forgot I asked for fic OR art, so opening the link and seeing... this was quite the shocker. And once I was doing flailing and choking on my own spit I went on and wrote what I suspect will be a mildly embarrassing comment to who ever the fantastically dirty soul was who came up with this.

Meanwhile, MY CHRISTMAS IS MADE! HOLY CRAP!

Secret Santa, who ever you are:



Let me love you!

When I grew up there was an explosion of media attention on the horrors of pedophilia and child molesters. It was taken to such extremes that most adults ended up being so afraid of being accused of anything untoward, that they hardly even dared touch their own kids.

So I've endured more than a few stares on account on kissing my mother, full on the mouth, every day. Quite publicly. Because that's what we've always done. My own son recently discovered the concept of kissing and if my baby boy wants a kiss on the lips, then by god, I am going to give him one. (Complete with snot and drool. Oh well.)

Thing is, the attention on this topic in my everyday life made me aware of the boundaries in family relations on screen. Physical contact is okay. Kisses? Apparently not so much.

( Continued under here.  )