Lady Drace

I think I've had something of a light bulb moment about my bisexual leanings. I've always known I was predominantly straight, but every once in a while I'd see a girl and go: "wow, I'd hit that!"

So about 90% straight perhaps. Maybe 80%. *shrug* In any case, there's totally room for a few girls here and there in my eye-candy folder.

However, it occurred to me today that I have yet to feel any sort of romantic attraction to women. When I'm horny, either gender can apparently float my boat, but when I'm aiming for a relationship, I have so far only wanted men.

I've even made a conscious effort of wondering if a woman couldn't fill the same need with me (because damn, there are some gorgeous gay and bi ladies in my circle of acquaintances) but sadly, it seems I'm just not wired that way.

That isn't to say I don't like the company of women. Hell, 99% of my (limited) social life is provided by women. And maybe that's kind of the problem. I know women, maybe a little too well. Men will always be a little bit of a wonder to me, I think. (Freud would have a field day with this, and the lack of steady father figures in my childhood...)

Oh, and it's worth noting here (which I'm sure would interest certain scientists) that trans men have the same effect on me.

As a closing note, I can think of no better time than this to add that I'm totally available for lovin'. Just say the word. :o)

For many (and currently unimportant) reasons, I found myself reading about asexuality on Tumblr yesterday. And OMG, I found it pretty damn scary.

Now, I understand that Tumblr is a good place to vent your frustrations over the complete lack of understanding you meet as an asexual (or otherwise difficult to label) person. But frankly I was startled by the lack of understanding in their own camp. So your family doesn't understand the concept of asexuality. That's upsetting. I get that. But did anyone stop to think that maybe we poor hetero people find the concept as difficult to grasp as you do the idea of actually wanting to have sex?

Telling your folks that you're asexual doesn't mean that they magically understand what that even is. Give it time.

Also, if you're in your teens, I wish you'd give it just a little more time before deciding that just because you have not yet felt any interest in sex in the 5 or so years since your body was even ready for that sort of thing, that it will be impossible to feel any such desire in the next 80 years too. That your poor parents would even suggest such a thing does not sex-nazis make.

Jesus.

TL;DR: I guess there's wank in ANY community.

Tranny icon very appropriate.

Snagged from syredronning

( Various kinks under here )

Yes, this is another TMI post. You have been warned.

Having time to spend on myself has given me plenty of opportunity to explore my body and physical reactions. I've learned so many new things about myself in a very short time span that I've come to a few unexpected conclusions.

First of all, if anyone ever again claims that because I'm fat I must have body issues, I will bloody well film myself in my throes of passion while pleasuring myself and dare them to make that statement again. I haven't minded much in the past because I always feared deep down that they were right. But fucking hell if I don't love my body. A lot. Who cares about weight, stretch marks, skin issues or whatever when you can make yourself feel that good and enjoy every bit of your own body so damn much? I sure don't.

Secondly, I alwas sort of naïvely assumed that there was only one kind of orgasm. I knew already that the sensations were somewhat different depending on what was giving me pleasure, but now I've narrowed it down to 3 different types that I've experienced myself and been aware of. There are probably as many kinds of orgasms as there are people, but these 3 applies to me personally.

There is the point stimulated orgasm. Basically it means I touch my clit and practically nothing else. It was the first kind I knew of and have practised it with great pleasure for many years now. At first I couldn't climax unless I was on my front, tensing my leg muscles as much as possible and keeping my legs straight. Over the years I've expanded my options, but I still need to tense my legs to make it over the brink. That particular orgasm is mostly felt as a rushing/jerking wave from my groin to my scalp and back down again. Usually very powerful but with minimum effort. It also gives me substabtial stress relief. I like a nap after this but I can do without.

Then there is the internally stimulated one, which so far has only happened during sex with another person. I've not yet managed to bring myself off on my own like this with toys or whatever and I think I might know why. It's more of a full-body experience. I need someone to brace against and move with. I tense practically every muscle in my body, especially my abs, and with enough combined inner friction (g-spot stimulation isn't neccessary, but totally a bonus) and outer tension we have fireworks. Spots before my eyes, rushing in my ears, very visible blushing of my entire upper body. I feel it over my entire body and for hours after I'll still feel a pleasant buzz. This is also the only type of orgasm I can do multiples of.  Strangely enough, despite the enormous amount of energy needed for this sort of activity, I often feel very energetic afterwards. Not much stress relief, but I suspect that has to do with the other person and all the feelings involved.

And now I've defined yet another one. Multi-stimulated. It's a bit of a mix of the other two, but completely doable solo. It's any outer stimulation I can think of (and I can think of a LOT!) and as much inner stimulation as I can manage on my own. This apparently ends up giving me an orgasm like a gunshot. Very brief spike of pleasure that brings me over but doesn't linger like the other two. But fuck I need a rest afterwards. It's like my spine melts and cannot keep me upright until I've at least rested a bit. And I've never been vocal on my own before, but I certainly am when I do this. Phew. Basically it's given me a whole new appreciation for areas of my body I wasn't even aware of. By being rough in some places and gentle in others it's like getting the best of everything. And things I thought would never turn me on can easily do so now if I do them just right. Not going to go into details with this. Just gonna say that many of my fanfics feel a lot more realistic now.

Basically, it's amazing what you can do with a little imagination and some time on your hands.

Now if only I hadn't been too busy having sex with myself to remember my doctor's appointment. Hmpf.

Thinking back, I suddenly realize that B and I had sex once after he slept with floozie. He did say they protected themselves, but even if that wasn't a lie, I'm suddenly considering that my weird discharge and shifting pains (now also when urinating :oS ) could be an STD. Yeikes! It's no secret that floozie has somewhat more sexual experience, so it's definitely a possibility she could pass something on.

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow and I think I'll get another appointment straight away for a full checkup.

God... if this is chlamydia or gonorrea, I think I might snap and be really, really unkind...

Just read the "offenses" and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each "offense" and added up your total fine.

When you are done post this as "My fine is $........"

You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

EDIT: I admit it. I've tweaked this one violently. Just so nobody gets confused. :oP
EDIT #2: I post the original fines below, because apparently, I'm the only one who gets why this is funny.


( Damn I fap a lot... )

Well, that sucked.

Hubby and I had a nice quiet dinner, Pea was asleep and all was well. Some intense smooching later, we were in bed getting it on. Since we were both feeling so relaxed and comfortable, we gave anal sex a shot. I haven't been able to relax properly while I've been so ill, so it really was a gamble. It all seemed to be going so well, the pain was managable and I was even getting to that good point where it's really REALLY good, but then, suddenly, I couldn't any longer. Fuck. It was just getting good, damnit!!

Thing is, when I'm not used to anal sex, it takes an awful lot of concentration to keep relaxed. Not sure if this is true for all anal, or just me personally, but if I lose my focus and forget to relax and push back the right way, it hurts. Horribly.

So what did that get me? An hour of hard work, trouble with sitting, a passed out hubby and a whole freakin load of sexual frustration. GAH!!!

I want to write. I neeeeed to write. But the fucking muses won't come. As soon as I have paper (or a blank wordpad) in front of me, I just freeze. Fuck. Just... fuck.
These days I have 3 fics teasing in the back of my mind all the time. A Merlin/Arthur modern AU (not started writing this yet), around the song Ramalama Bang Bang, with Arthur as a dancer. A smutty Garak/Bashir fic about, uhm... human anatomy and another Garak/Bashir I've been working on for a good long while and would really like to finish.

In other news, I got ogled in the bus today. I'm fairly sure it was ogling. I haven't exactly had much experience with being ogled, but it was the only explanation I could come up with, after catching the guy watching me three times in a row. After making sure I had nothing on my face or clothes, or anything else weird that would warrent staring, I gathered it must have been my uhm... pose that did it. I realized I was tilting my head back in a way that made my clevage very prominent and may or may not have presented my neck in a display worthy of a vampire's next meal. I enjoyed it. Wouldn't you have? And the guy wasn't bad looking, either.

And as usual, my mother in law is pissing me off. It's basically a detail, but it merely underlines her need to impose her own standards upon everyone else. *sigh*

Oh and just as an extra insult, I just cannot have sex right now. Masturbate, sure. But sex? It's just too damn exhausting. :o( And as eager as hubby is, he's not prepared to do all the work. Not that I would want him to, either. It's by far the best sex when I'm on top. Ahem.
This annoys me a lot, but I guess I'll just have to be patient. I'm sure it'll come back once therapy and stress reaches more bearable levels. In the meantime I'll just have to be cranky!wife. *grumble*

Too tired to write my latest Merlin review. Might get around to it tomorrow, might not. Only time will tell.

Now off for bed. Goodnight f-list! *hugs*