Learning curve. Falling off the horse and getting back on.

First of all, this journal is written exclusively from my point of view. It's not always right and certainly never an undeniable truth. It's about how it affects me. Selfish, yes. But that's what a personal journal is for.

In view of this, I guess it's time for me to realize that not everything is meant for sharing with outsiders. This whole issue with my sister is as long as our lives and will probably go on for the rest of them yet. I look to my friends for comfort, advice, or simply just a hug. By putting this complicated issue forward, I can see now that I set myself up for a lot more explaning than it was ever meant for.

I want to defend myself, but honestly, I'm not going to. I spent years in therapy coming to terms with this and I don't have the energy to open that can of worms all over again.

So this whole issue (and many others with it) are now deemed family business. Over the next few days I will be going over my journal and delete entries which in hindsight have proven too personal or too sensitive to be shared with the general public.

The days of 100% honesty and openness are over with this journal. I knew it would happen. I just hoped it would be a while yet.

Belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

To the smashing jonnycarnahan! Sorry I forgot to post this yesterday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

To the amazingly talented et_cetera55 !

Fanfic quote of the day

But just look at him.  He's such a delight to marvel, I am scarcely
aware of my own blabber wafting to his attentive ears.  What am I
saying?  Some other obscure part of my past that belong to another
man than myself?

From Subterfuge by BGM.

And one more thing.

You're welcome to think me harsh, insensitive or cruel. But answer me this:

If someone has been telling you outrageous things only to upset you several times before, how inclined are you to believe it?

Also, all of these horrible things that happened to my sister, I've mostly not been aware of until very recently. I could only judge her from what I knew, and when I wrote 'that' post, all I knew was that 'someone' had done something to her, but her claiming it happened due to my mother's neglect is not the truth. No matter which way she swings it.

My sympathy for my sister died years ago, after spending my teen years consoling my mother after ever hurtful claim from my sister, who has never - not even once - been willing to accept our help. Or any help. The fact that she is in therapy now is nothing short of a miracle.

Judge me if you will. To say I don't care would be a lie. But if you must, use this post to yell at me, scold me, reprimand me or whatever. Out with it. I'm ready.