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Actively wasting time.
May. 9th, 2011 10:11 amWell, here I am at job-testing. The project leader has stepped out for a bit and I've decided to take advantage of it and waste some time online.
Job-testing isn't going all that well, but I'm still optimistic. I've had to cancel a lot because of Pea or stress, but I still want this and it almost feels like having a life again, so I'm keeping at it.
I've also finally started therapy again and I'm really hoping that the combination of actually doing something with my days and having coping methods drilled into my skull simultaneously will make all the difference.
In other news, this summer is going to be a bitch. It seems I'm "lucky" and practically all holidays that cause daycare to close fall in the weeks that I have Pea. I'm not good at having Pea for full days. Not that it's hell or anything, but I just feel so bad for being unable to do much with him. We go to playgrounds or visit grandma and that's about it. I'm still terrified of going places further than a bus-ride away and I hate that my fear of the world is rubbing off on Pea. Because it is. I haven't seen many signs of it yet, but it can't possibly be kept from him forever. And I'm still so tired. So very tired. Always tired. I hate my brain.
In somewhat better news, Pea likes me better these days. He has begun getting upset when daddy picks him up and he hugs me more than he used to. It helps my insecurity a LOT. My boy is a sweetie, even though he's still mostly daddy's boy.
Pea will be 2 years old in 10 days. Wow. How times flies. The bad news is that apparently my digital camera has croaked. No matter how many fresh batteries I tempt it with it keeps saying: "change batteries". Bah. Thankfully, my phone seems to take decent pictures, so I do have new pics to offer when the day comes.
The Sunday following his birthday, I have volunteered to make a pot of coffee and have all the grandparents over. B and I have decided that as long as we're getting along as well as we do, there is no reason for us to celebrate Pea separately until he has any wishes of his own.
And while we're on the subject of Pea, there is another reason why this summer is going to kill me. B's annual acting is starting up and they have 2 weekends in a row where they rehearse all day. I have volunteered to have Pea both of those weekends. I'm doomed. I need to plan some activities like the Zoo or something, or I will go completely bonkers. Pea needs to be entertained or he'll make trouble at home. I have already lost a few fragile items due to his cabin fever on days where the weather was not good enough for playing outdoors. :oS What I really need are some play-dates or something.
Anyways, enough wasting time. Back to what I was doing. Typing up stuff. Oh goodie.
Job-testing isn't going all that well, but I'm still optimistic. I've had to cancel a lot because of Pea or stress, but I still want this and it almost feels like having a life again, so I'm keeping at it.
I've also finally started therapy again and I'm really hoping that the combination of actually doing something with my days and having coping methods drilled into my skull simultaneously will make all the difference.
In other news, this summer is going to be a bitch. It seems I'm "lucky" and practically all holidays that cause daycare to close fall in the weeks that I have Pea. I'm not good at having Pea for full days. Not that it's hell or anything, but I just feel so bad for being unable to do much with him. We go to playgrounds or visit grandma and that's about it. I'm still terrified of going places further than a bus-ride away and I hate that my fear of the world is rubbing off on Pea. Because it is. I haven't seen many signs of it yet, but it can't possibly be kept from him forever. And I'm still so tired. So very tired. Always tired. I hate my brain.
In somewhat better news, Pea likes me better these days. He has begun getting upset when daddy picks him up and he hugs me more than he used to. It helps my insecurity a LOT. My boy is a sweetie, even though he's still mostly daddy's boy.
Pea will be 2 years old in 10 days. Wow. How times flies. The bad news is that apparently my digital camera has croaked. No matter how many fresh batteries I tempt it with it keeps saying: "change batteries". Bah. Thankfully, my phone seems to take decent pictures, so I do have new pics to offer when the day comes.
The Sunday following his birthday, I have volunteered to make a pot of coffee and have all the grandparents over. B and I have decided that as long as we're getting along as well as we do, there is no reason for us to celebrate Pea separately until he has any wishes of his own.
And while we're on the subject of Pea, there is another reason why this summer is going to kill me. B's annual acting is starting up and they have 2 weekends in a row where they rehearse all day. I have volunteered to have Pea both of those weekends. I'm doomed. I need to plan some activities like the Zoo or something, or I will go completely bonkers. Pea needs to be entertained or he'll make trouble at home. I have already lost a few fragile items due to his cabin fever on days where the weather was not good enough for playing outdoors. :oS What I really need are some play-dates or something.
Anyways, enough wasting time. Back to what I was doing. Typing up stuff. Oh goodie.
