Signs of life.

I suddenly realized something.

Being in the Supernatural fandom has made me feel again. I'm not even kidding.

A couple of years ago I often found myself wondering if I would ever feel anything but misery ever again. Occasionally I wondered if I was feeling anything at all. Everything was so muted at times I honestly couldn't tell. Even if I was crying, it all seemed so pointless.

Then somewhere along this past year... something happened.

I remember squealing out loud when SPN episode 7x17 rolled around. I was so excited about Castiel's return that I made actual noise. Loud noise. My heart was pounding and my chest was heaving. I felt all the physical responses prompted by an emotional surge.

The only other time I can remember feeling like that in the last 10 years was the first time I was pregnant. After I lost the first one, the second one was laced with so much terror that I never got that joy again.

And just now, a stupid 3 minute web clip of the upcoming first episode of season 8 gave me the same overwhelming emotional outbursts again.

So I guess what I'm saying is...

Thank you, Supernatural. Thank you for making me feel alive again.