Through The Fog, parts 4-5

[ladydrace]

Title: Through The Fog
Series: X-Men Evolution
Pairings: Nightcrawler/Toad
Part: 4-5/19
Rating: Various ratings across chapters.
Warnings: Future fic.
Beta: None on this story. I take full responsibility for any and all errors.
Feedback: Yes please.
Disclaimer: I don't own any prehensile goodies, green or blue. Damn it all.
Summary: Todd gets an unexpected visit from his past after 10 years, and the war moves in again.

 

Chapter 4

The train ride back to Westchester was taken in complete silence on Todd's part. Kurt tried a few times to initiate some form of conversation, but Todd was not going to humor him. He'd seen something in the station that made him wonder if his life was over no matter what he did. For a second he was sure he had seen the creepy guy again.

He cursed himself for having been so casual about this train trip. He hadn't really thought it was a big deal, but here it was. In one second and with a single glance from his pursuer, he was branded as an enemy. He had been seen leaving with a member of the X-men. He could only assume death would be the next step.

He didn't think Kurt had seen him, and even if he did, he wouldn't know who he was of course. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell him. So he just kept his stony silence for hours, until they finally arrived at the Xavier Institute late in the afternoon.

Kurt hadn't been able to call in that they were coming, since first of all Todd didn't have a phone, and he didn't dare risk using an unsafe line. So when they stepped through the double doors of the mansion, the first person they met was Kitty Pryde, chatting casually with some asian girl that Todd didn't know. When she saw them, she hurried over to give Kurt and hug and welcome him back in her high pitched girly voice. In Todd's opinion she hadn't changed a bit. A bit taller maybe, but everything else was the same. In the middle of the hug, she suddenly realized that someone was with Kurt and much to Todd's surprise, her eyes widened and she sent him a warm, friendly smile.

“Well hi there! Kurt? Who's your new friend?”

Kurt laughed and gently disentangled himself from Kitty.

“Don't you recognize him Kitty?”

She sent Todd an appraising look and raised an eyebrow in a flirtatious way.

“No, I'm sure I would've remembered you.”

Kurt had to hide his mouth behind both of his hands, not to howl with laughter, and even Todd was finding it hard to keep a straight face. Kitty realized something was going on and poked Kurt hard in the ribs to stop him laughing. A moment later he was finally able to remove his hands from his face and reintroduce Todd Tolensky.

The look on Kitty's face was priceless. Todd snorted with laughter when she heard his name. Kitty's face was a weird mix of disgust, wonder and admiration. Oh, it was worth it coming to the mansion just for this! After several rounds of swallowing and blinking in disbelief, Kitty finally found her voice again.

“Wow.... Toad... you've changed!”

Todd made a mock little bow for her.

“Can't say the same for you Kitty cat.”

She was still too stunned to really reply to that, so Kurt pulled Todd away, telling Kitty he'd see her later. Just as they were turning a corner, Todd distinctly heard the Asian girl ask if Toad wasn't that disgusting slimeball she'd told her about. Kitty's voice was faint, but still clear enough for Todd to catch her reply.

“Yeah... but now I could totally date him.”

He very nearly tripped over his own feet. No way. He hadn't thought he'd changed that much. But Kitty had been one of the more cruel of his classmates, when it came to pointing out just how many ways he made her vomit. And now she thought he looked good enough to be dating material? No way!

“I vill take you to see the Professor first. I don't think he vill vant to talk to you right now, but he should know that you're here.”

“Sure, whatever.”

Kurt was still grinning stupidly and Todd put away his thoughts about dating for later. After a polite knock on a heavy oaken door, Kurt stepped in without hesitation. Professor Xavier turned his wheel chair around to face him and greeted Kurt before Todd plucked up the courage to actually come in.

“Ah, Kurt! I'm glad to see you home again. Was your mission a succes?”

Todd edged into the room with his hands in his pockets, feeling very much like the insecure schoolboy he thought he'd left behind when he left the Brotherhood. Looking over his shoulder and smiling reassuring, Kurt nodded.

“Ja, more or less.”

Xavier seemed not the least bit surprised to see him there, and from what Todd knew of what the bald cripple could do with his mind, he wasn't surprised himself. A voice from another part of the room made him jump though, as he had not seen anyone else was there.

“Well well. Toad. We meet again.”

Scott Summers was leaned against a bookcase behind the open door and he closed it with a poorly hidden grimace at the sight of Todd. Xavier sent him a look that would have stopped a train and he clenched his teeth tightly together, probably to avoid saying anything more. Todd glared at Scott, but otherwise felt it was best to keep his mouth shut. The mansion still felt like enemy territory and Scott was certainly not trying to make it otherwise. Xavier held out his hand to Todd and sent him a welcoming, but very tired smile.

“Todd. I'm so glad you decided to come. We need all the help we can get in these troubled times.”

Todd swallowed and shook hands, but felt he'd better say something before they got too damn emotional about it.

“Yeah well, don't get all excited. I ain't joinin' ya. I'll help ya. Any info I got is yours. But I ain't gonna be no X-Man.”

Scott huffed in a way that very clearly said 'like that's ever gonna happen'. Xavier sent him a very stern look, but didn't seem disappointed at all at Todd's words.

“Any help you are prepared to give is very welcome. I'm sorry, but I won't have time to discuss this with you right now, so we shall have to wait until tomorrow. Kurt, would you find a room for our guest for the night, and get him settled in? We will talk first thing tomorrow, Todd.”

Kurt nodded and Todd noticed for the first time that he was glaring rather menacingly at Scott. Todd wondered about it as they were supposed to be friends. But then again, if the objective had been to recruit him, then Kurt had failed and snide comments was probably not what Fuzzy wanted to hear right then.

“Sure, first thing tomorrow Professor. I vill put Todd in Amara's old room.”

Xavier's eyes settled coldly on Scott who looked more and more uncomfortable, so Kurt and Todd quietly sidled out of the room as soon as Xavier answered.

“Whatever you feel is appropriate Kurt.”

Kurt closed the door behind them and silently shook his hand like he had slammed it in the door. His face was screwed up in a funny grimace that clearly stated that he was sure Scott was in for some big trouble. Todd grinned and followed Kurt down the hall.

“Well... Summers hasn't changed one bit.”

Kurt shook his head and frowned.

“I don't know vhat's up vith him. He vas the one who suggested ve found you in the first place. Vhy is he being such a dick?”

Todd shrugged and looked at his toes.

“I don't think I'm the right guy to ask that, really. He's always been like that. 'Least to me.”

Kurt looked like he was about to say something but decided against it before anything made it past his lips. Todd was relieved. He wasn't sure he wanted any sympathy right now. After a few moments of silence Kurt cleared his throat and changed the subject.

“Amara's old room is right next to mine, so if you need anything, you know vhere to go.”

“Thanks. Amara... she's that lava chick, right?”

Kurt's face fell and Todd knew he'd stepped in it.

“Ja... vell she vas. She's dead too. Ve have lost many friends in the past few years.”

Todd looked at his feet and cursed his lack of delicacy.

“Sorry man. She was a nice person.”

Kurt nodded, and sent Todd an overbearing smile.

“Don't feel bad Todd. You didn't know.”

Todd shrugged, not knowing what to say. They got to the room and it was as huge as Todd expected. The mansion was huge and luxurious in general, and even though it was years ago, he felt that little familiar sting of envy at how much the X-men had compared to the Brotherhood. Kurt stood in the door, while he threw his duffel bag onto the desk and sat down on the bed, testing the springs.

“Hey, you vant something to eat?”

Todd nodded and they slowly made their way to the kitchen downstairs. Along the way, Todd couldn't help noticing just how quiet it was. He had somehow expected the Xavier mansion to be crawling with mutants, but so far it seemed almost deserted. As they sat down at the kitchen table to eat their way through the various left overs they found in the fridge, Todd couldn't help but ask about it.

“Yo Fuzzy... where is everybody? They ain't ALL... dead... are they?”

Kurt smiled reassuringly while poking holes in his lasagna.

“Nein, but ve are not as many as ve used to be. Right now, most of us are out doing vhat I did vith you. Usually ve vork in pairs, but I vas the only one who volunteered, so I did it alone.”

Todd frowned at the renewed reminder of the X-men's usual attitude towards him, but other thoughts were more pressing in his mind and he chewed thoughtfully before talking again.

“So, who've you got left?”

Kurt's brow furrowed and his yellow eyes flickered.

“Look Todd... it's not that I don't vant to tell you... it's just... since you're not joining us...having you here in the mansion is a risk already.”

Todd was confused for a second, but then it dawned on him.

“Oh... you think I'm gonna run back to Magneto and spill the beans on ya? Why would I do that? The guy screwed me over!”

Kurt held out his hands in a calming gesture.

“Nein, Todd, that's not what I mean. It's just... you might get caught and Magneto has the power to either force any information out of you, or brainvash you to join his cause. Even if the Professor vould erase your memories of this visit – vhich I doubt he vould - ve can't be sure Magneto doesn't have access to mutants who can undo the Professor's vork.”

Suddenly, Todd's appetite was completely gone and both he and Kurt sat for a while in silence, just poking their food. Finally Kurt sighed and put down his fork, his eyes suddenly flashing with mischief.

“Hey Todd... vanna break a few house rules and go eat in the den? Ve could vatch a movie and just chill out. There's not much ve can do until tomorrow anyvay.”

Todd looked up at the blue mutant, thinking that at that moment, he looked very much like the elf he was sometimes compared to. He couldn't help but smile and decided to play along.

“Alright. But only if you lemme have my ciggies too.”

Kurt opened his arms in a confident gesture.

“Sure. If ve're gonna break rules, ve might as vell go all out.”

They settled down on the couch in the den and Todd let Kurt pick out a movie. He picked one of his personal favorites and after a while of casual movie watching they both started to relax and soon the food was gone. Todd felt more cheerful than he had in years, as they laughed and joked about the movie. It was so easy to forget about loneliness, pain and war when he was sitting on a soft couch in a dark room, with his belly full of food and a friendly person next to him.

He found as they started a second movie, that he didn't actually care about his past with Kurt. He was a relaxed, friendly and open minded guy with a great sense of humor... so what if they beat each other to pulp ten years ago? They were just kids really. Todd's logical mind jumped in to point out that as friendly as he might be, he would screw him over at some point just like everybody else did. He knew it was true, but he decided to not care for a little while. After years of hard work and struggling just to be left alone, he felt he was allowed to have some casual fun.

He suddenly noticed that Kurt was watching him. He ignored it for a while, but eventually it creeped him out.

“What Fuzzy? Got somethin' on my face? What?”

Kurt started a little and looked down.

“Oh! Nein, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to stare. I just still can't believe how much you've changed.”

Todd huffed and lit a cigarette.

“Yeah well, my looks must'a changed a lot more than I thought, since Kitty-cat almost jumped me back there. But the rest is same as always.”

Kurt rested his chin on his hand and gave him a searching look.

“You mean you were always strong, kind, helpful, honest and funny?”

Todd almost dropped his cigarette and simply stared open mouthed at Kurt, who was sporting a wide smile on his blue face.

“Woah, I must'a hit you harder than I thought yesterday. Cause that sure as Hell don't sound like me. But yeah. I was always a pretty decent guy to people who deserved it. Least I thought they did...”

The negative memories suddenly washed over him and his eyes stared into thin air, as he was drawn deeper into the past scenes unfurling before his inner eyes. He felt his usual pessimism set in with unexpected intensity and all the comfort of the evening seemed to seep away, like sand through his webbed fingers. His face must have betrayed his mind, because he was woken from his black train of thought by a warm, furry hand on his forearm.

“Hey, are you ok?”

Todd tried to gather his thoughts again and focus on what Kurt had said but the painful fog of his memories just wouldn't go away. So he shook his head and closed his eyes, trying will it away.

"Are you sick? Can I get you anything?”

Finally Todd got his speech working.

“Naw I'm fine man. I'm just... just...”

And then it stopped working again. The warm hand was still on his arm and he found it was an easy point to focus on and slowly crawl back to his senses. After a few minutes of simply breathing and soaking up the feeling of the warm hand, now gently rubbing his skin with a soft thumb, he finally felt it was safe to open his eyes and look at Kurt.

What he saw shocked him thoroughly out of his misery. Nobody had ever looked at him like that. Ever. Kurt's golden eyes were wide open and concerned. And they were glowing at him with a sincerity and closeness he had never felt. Not even in his brief time with the Brotherhood mutants, which were the only remotely friendly people he ever remembered being close to.

At first he was shocked. Then he was disbelieving and finally he was slowly starting to feel creeped out. Kurt seemed to catch on to it and eventually removed his hand. But the look was still there, making Todd sweat with uncertainty. He wasn't sure how to deal with this. He lunged at it when Kurt spoke again, giving him a change to change the scene.

“Are you sure you're ok Todd?"

He nodded fervently.

“Yeah, I'm good. It's just... being back here brings back memories. Not the good kind. I dunno it just bums me out, man.”

“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

Todd sighed and discarded his cigarette, which had slowly gone out between his fingers.

“I doubt that. Usually I get myself stinkin' drunk and pass out.”

Kurt laughed quietly and silence fell. Todd hid his face in his hands and tried to empty his mind. He wasn't having much success and was just about ready to leave the damn mansion to go find something that would get him fantastically drunk, when he heard Kurt's voice from somewhere he wasn't expecting.

“Hey Todd? Look...”

He looked at where Kurt had been before, but the couch was empty and it took a little while before Todd realized that the blue fuzzball was on the ceiling, hanging upside down by his tail from the hook holding an old iron chandelier. He held out his hands and legs and swung back and forth like some bizarre circus performer.

“Tadaa!”

Todd snorted with disbelieving laughter.

“What the hell are you doin', man?!”

Still swinging, Kurt grinned.

“Vell, it always makes Kitty smile vhen she's having a bad day. And it vorked for you too. You're smiling.”

Todd realized he was and clapped his forehead in surrender.

“You're so weird, yo.”

“Maybe. But I made you smile.”

With an impish grin Kurt flipped over backwards, gripped his ankles, formed himself into a blue, fuzzy circle and dangled back and forth. Todd chuckled and fell back onto the couch, clutching his head.

“Aw man, you're gonna over-stretch somethin' vital!”

He uncoiled himself and started making combat postures upside down.

“Nein, I'm flexible, remember?”

Todd was now laughing out loud, and gave up any resistance to the mirth now bubbling up. He hadn't had a good laugh in ages and it was bliss giving in to it. Kurt kept up his goofing off until Todd was rolling on the couch begging for mercy.

“No more, man! Please! I can't breathe!”

Kurt landed on the floor with a soft thump and plopped down on the couch next to Todd.

“Vell then maybe you shouldn't smoke so much.”

With a final chuckle Todd was able to breathe again and fell back onto the armrest of the couch, heaving and gasping.

“Yeah right. At least I don't mutilate my body for other people's fun.”

Kurt shrugged.

“Like I said, I'm flexible.”

Todd stretched out and put one arm behind his head.

“Riiight, I bet you're real popular with the ladies.”

Kurt huffed in a very dismissive way and Todd looked at him with slight surprise.

“What, you don't like girls?”

Kurt sent him a crooked smile.

“How could you tell?”

Todd dropped his jaw. He had really only meant it as a joke.

“What... you're gay?”

Kurt simply nodded and sat back waiting for Todd's reaction. After a while of numb staring he cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck feeling embarrassed.

“Well... didn't see that one comin'.”

Kurt looked down, suddenly shy, and picked some lint off his uniform.

“How long've you been gay?”

A sudden giggle escaped Kurt and he sent Todd a look of overbearing exasperation. Todd rolled his eyes and nodded.

“Ah... guess I set myself up for that one. Well then how long have you been... what's the sayin'... out of the closet?”

“A few years now.”

Chewing on this new piece of information, Todd fell silent. He didn't mind gay people at all. Hell, he didn't mind people's sexuality in general, as it was a personal thing in his opinion. But he had to confess it came as something of a surprise. He never would have guessed Fuzzy was gay. Trying to regain some of the good mood, he decided to treat it with light humor.

“So... dated anyone I know?”

Kurt barked out a short laugh.

“Nein I doubt that. I had to leave Vestchester for two years before I dared even admit it to myself.”

Again Todd's mouth fell open.

“You left the X-men? Why?”

With a nervous sideways glance at Todd, Kurt bit his lip, exposing a white, pointed fang and shifted uneasily.

“You'll laugh.”

“Come on, tell me! Had to be big to tear you away from geek-central.”

With a deep sigh, Kurt steeled his shoulders and looked determinedly at the floor.

“Vell... I vas raised as a catholic and...I left because... I vanted to study to become a priest.”

To his surprise Todd didn't laugh. He didn't even smile.

“Nothin' wrong with that. Gotta do what you gotta do. But I guess that ain't gonna happen now... the whole gay sinner thing and all, right?”

Kurt's mouth became a very thin line, as he chewed his lips in the sudden reminder of the sting of giving up what he for the longest time had considered his future path. Todd caught on and felt he'd stepped in it again.

“Aw man I'm sorry. Didn't mean to make it sound like that.”

Unclenching his shoulders, Kurt smiled again and shook his head.

“It's ok. I can't change it and I'm dealing vith it.”

Feeling exhausted after all the emotional roller-coaster trips in one evening, Todd yawned and rubbed his eyes.

“Perhaps ve should go to bed. The Professor vants to see you early tomorrow, so ve better get some sleep.”

Todd just nodded and helped Kurt clear away their things, before going to their rooms. They said goodnight without looking at each other and Todd crashed on his bed fully clothed and fell asleep within seconds.

<<<<<<<<<<

 

 

Chapter 5

The next few days were a blur of questions and answers for Todd. He didn't think he'd talked this much in his whole life and his mind soon felt wrung out like a sponge. He was slowly starting to think that the professor's suggestion of reading his mind was a good idea. He'd refused blankly at first, but as it only fuelled Scott's snide comments and hints that he would scurry off to Magneto at first opportunity, he was starting to think the idea was better and better. Besides, he was having real trouble figuring out exactly what Xavier was looking for.

What on earth would they do with information like what Pietro's eating habits were? Or if Wanda ever dated any of them? He could give them detailed descriptions of exactly how it felt being blasted through a wall by one of her spells, but other than that, he didn't see the relevance. But if he let the Professor read his mind... he really dreaded sharing some specific memories with anyone. Especially the X-men. He didn't think he could bear Scott knowing all about his horrible past. He would think it was hilarious and the Professor would more than likely pity him. And both reactions would probably make Todd physically ill.

He spent his evenings with Kurt and found himself regretting they had been enemies back in school. They had fun together and he couldn't help but imagine all the times where he could have been happier, if he'd had a friend like Kurt then. His logic still chirped in now and again that he couldn't trust him, but Todd chose to ignore it more and more. Didn't he deserve a little fun? And it wasn't like he'd be sorry to leave at the end of the week. The mansion still made him feel awkward and unwelcome.

The only other X-men he had seen had been Kitty and her Asian friend, but they seemed to avoid him and he never talked to them if he did happen to see them. He suspected Scott might have asked the rest of the X-geeks to stay clear of him. He wouldn't put it past him. Not that he cared either. What he cared about most of the time, was that smoking wasn't allowed in the mansion, and that he was kept in Xavier's private office for hours on end answering questions. Kurt was always there with him, but no matter how much he glared at Scott, this didn't seem to improve his attitude towards Todd any bit at all. So mostly he was stressed out, tired and nicotine deprived.

By Tuesday he was frayed at the edges and just to top it off, Xavier had to be somewhere, so Scott was doing the questioning. More like interviewing a suspect than anything else. Todd stood up with it for over two hours before he snapped. After a very heated exchange about where he could stuff his questions, Todd stalked off to smoke and calm his nerves, without bothering to wait for Kurt.

Halfway down the hall however, he noticed he'd left his jacket inside the office, and his cigarettes were in the front pocket. He considered just going to buy some more, but his craving was severe, so he sighed deeply and went back to the office. Just as he was about to grab the knob, he heard raised voices and decided he'd better wait it out before entering. The voices were loud and angry, so Todd had no trouble hearing everything, even though he tried not to listen.

“Vhat the hell vas that? Are you TRYING to scare him off??”

Scott did his best to sound cool, but he couldn't hide his annoyance.

“Maybe I am. Better he leaves now before he discovers something vital.”

“You still think he'll join Magneto?”

Scott's temper made him yell rather shrilly.

“I don't think, I KNOW!”

Kurt's voice dropped to talking level and quivered with suppressed rage as he answered.

“You're vrong!”

Scott growled and Todd could almost sense him pacing the room right inside the door.

“I know him! He's the same gutless little weasel he was ten years ago! Always hanging around with the bad boys, hoping for some cheap glory!”

Still Kurt's voice was lower, but his volume was slowly climbing, along with his anger.

“He's changed!”

“Has he? Except from the smell, I've seen no positive change what so ever!”

“Vell have you given him the chance? You've been nothing but a dick all the time he's been here!”

Scott huffed.

“No point in waisting courtesy on a rat.”

Todd almost jumped away from the door, as Kurt's angry voice suddenly sliced through the silent hall.

“Verdammt Scott! You von't even give him the slightest break! How are you ever going to see anything but vhat you vant, if you don't lay off him a bit?!”

“What, I'm supposed to smile and wave, just because you've suddenly decided that Toad-face is your new crush?!”

Suddenly the voices were as good as gone and only because Todd knew there was a voice to hear, did he hear Kurt's answer.

"He's not my crush.”

Scott was still seething and made no effort to lower his voice.

“Then what exactly is he then? He must be something since you not only brought him back to the mansion when I specifically asked you not to, but you're also making lovesick puppy eyes at him all the time! Jeez! You make me puke!”

Kurt's voice sounded small and hurt, even through the door.

“So that's it. It's the gay thing that makes you such an ass!”

Those words made Scott's voice climb to new hysterical heights and Todd winced at the shrill yelling.

“Don't gimme that! I stood up for you when you came back, fresh out of the closet! But if you 'have' to go hump some guy, why on earth did you have to go and choose TOAD?!”

Kurt's voice was nearly inaudible in comparison and Todd strained his ears to hear the answer to this one. He would've asked the same question.

“I didn't choose him. It just happened.”

“WHAT happened?!”

“... I fell in love.”

All sound died and Todd could hear the blood pounding in his ears in the sudden silence. What did Fuzzy just say? What...?

Scott was obviously thinking along the same lines.

“You've got to be kidding.”

Kurt's tone was defensive and bitter.

“Like I said. You don't know him.”

Todd heard Scott stomping around for a while and he could easily imagine him pulling his hair out or something. Todd felt like doing similar things at that moment. When Scott finally spoke again his voice was exasperated and disbelieving.

“When did this happen?”

“About ten years ago.”

Scott's frustration was obvious as he suddenly yelled again.

“Aw come on. You can't be serious! You two beat each other to mince!”

This time Todd really did jump away from the door, when Kurt suddenly screamed his lungs out.

“Do you think I liked it!? Do you think I enjoyed being attracted to a guy, who also just happened to be the most unattractive of all our numerous enemies?! Vhat ever it vas he did to me, I tried desperately to punch it out of him! And out of myself! I'm a catholic Scott! Imagine vhat that did to my mind!”

His volume only increased as his indignation flowed out of him, venting all of the frustration of the whole situation on Scott.

“I vent around for years villing myself not to be gay! Todd vas long gone and I tried, Scott! I tried really hard to forget! But he vas alvays there! In the back of my head, driving my crazy! Vhen I finally admit everything to myself, he's disappeared and I spend years heartbroken!! And vhen I against all odds find him again and get a chance to make things right, you have to be the vorld's biggest ass and drive him avay!!!”

The following silence was deafening, both in the hallway and the office. Todd was nailed to the ground. All this was completely beyond his comprehension, but he couldn't make himself leave. He needed to hear more. To understand this.

He didn't get the chance however, as he suddenly heard footsteps very close behind the door. From pure reflex he jumped and ended up on the ceiling. Clinging onto a chandelier he held his breath as first Kurt, and seconds later, Scott stomped by right underneath without seeing him. As soon as they were gone, he slipped into the office and closed the door behind him.

What the hell was that? Fuzzy? In love with him?! Had the world suddenly done a back flip without notifying Todd? For the longest time he simply stood leaned against the door, trying to make sense of all the thoughts suddenly whizzing around in his skull. Eventually his body reminded him that he still hadn't smoked, so he grabbed his jacket and jumped out of the window, to avoid bumping into either Kurt or Scott in the hallways.

<<<<<<<<

Onwards.