Faith and a revelation of sorts.
May. 28th, 2012 11:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladydraceI think I just had kind of an epiphany about my faith. For a long time I've been half convinced that I have no faith, because I doubt everything and don't look to the sky for answers or comfort. I believe in life forces, miracles and the human soul.
But I think I've come to realize, that in some ways I believe in God. Not necessarily God of the Bible, but more like the idea of a larger force, something much greater than us. And since God is the term I've grown up with and my cultural heritage looks to, it's probably also why that name is the one that feels most familiar and most fitting to me.
I suspect that I've been so conflicted about this because people always assume that if you say you believe in God, then they assume you agree with the Bible or that you're a Christian, which I'm not at all sure I am.
I don't live by any sort of scripture. I live by common sense, logic and always try to do my best, without going by any book.
Also, my faith is very personal. I don't feel the need to meet others and discuss my faith, or listen to sermons or in other ways practice in any public way. I don't really pray and the only reason I like to go to church at Christmas is for the tradition and the lovely music. I do feel connected to God in churches, but no more than I do in a blossoming field, or in a sun-dappled clearing in a forest.
I think I've mentioned before that I was told once as a child that "God is in every blade of grass." I'm starting to think that little sentence pretty much defines what I believe. And honestly, I think I need to stop being afraid of offending people or "taking the lord's name in vain" or whatever, just because I define my own faith.
God is an umbrella term, and since it fits my culture, my country, my upbringing and in a very general way my beliefs, I think I can actually say now:
I believe in God.
As a final note, I'd just like to add that during this long period of crisis of faith I've avoided wearing Christian symbols, because I felt vaguely hypocritical. But crosses are beautiful, and while I decide for myself what God means to me, I don't mind others seeing me wearing a symbol of faith and drawing their own conclusions. If people ask, I will gladly clarify, but from now on, I think I won't be half as afraid of what other people might think.
But I think I've come to realize, that in some ways I believe in God. Not necessarily God of the Bible, but more like the idea of a larger force, something much greater than us. And since God is the term I've grown up with and my cultural heritage looks to, it's probably also why that name is the one that feels most familiar and most fitting to me.
I suspect that I've been so conflicted about this because people always assume that if you say you believe in God, then they assume you agree with the Bible or that you're a Christian, which I'm not at all sure I am.
I don't live by any sort of scripture. I live by common sense, logic and always try to do my best, without going by any book.
Also, my faith is very personal. I don't feel the need to meet others and discuss my faith, or listen to sermons or in other ways practice in any public way. I don't really pray and the only reason I like to go to church at Christmas is for the tradition and the lovely music. I do feel connected to God in churches, but no more than I do in a blossoming field, or in a sun-dappled clearing in a forest.
I think I've mentioned before that I was told once as a child that "God is in every blade of grass." I'm starting to think that little sentence pretty much defines what I believe. And honestly, I think I need to stop being afraid of offending people or "taking the lord's name in vain" or whatever, just because I define my own faith.
God is an umbrella term, and since it fits my culture, my country, my upbringing and in a very general way my beliefs, I think I can actually say now:
I believe in God.
As a final note, I'd just like to add that during this long period of crisis of faith I've avoided wearing Christian symbols, because I felt vaguely hypocritical. But crosses are beautiful, and while I decide for myself what God means to me, I don't mind others seeing me wearing a symbol of faith and drawing their own conclusions. If people ask, I will gladly clarify, but from now on, I think I won't be half as afraid of what other people might think.
