Hell on toast...
May. 16th, 2009 09:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladydrace...as the glorious Eddie Izzard once said. This day has been a disaster from beginning to end. I should have told the bloody inlaws to stay the fuck away as soon as the water broke.
But I thought "Sure, I can deal with this. I'll probably be too busy with giving birth to care one bit about anything else."
WRONG!!!!
I spent a long long long day simply waiting and listening to the sounds of cellphones on earsplitting volumes, shouting (since that seems to be the inlaws' favorite form of communication), vacuuming, flushing, scrubbing and rinsing. My safety zone was completely demolished with smells of very foreign cleaning agents (that still cling to everything btw and is making me jittery) and forced niceties.
I tried... I swear, I really tried to endure! I tried to be nice and friendly towards the people who were generously trying to do me a favour. And I succeeded... up to a certain point.
4 PM arrived and mum in law gave us a lift to the hospital (in an extremely stressful manner, I might add, but that's a whole other story for another time) and in we went, feeling that FINALLY something would get started.
But alas, the ward was stuffed to breaking point, so we sat for even more time, simply waiting. In the empty waiting room, only occasionally visited by some family member or other I started to crack. Got very nervous and only managed to control it because hubby was there. When we finally got the exam started, I broke down. I cried my eyes out in the hospital bed and had a minor panic attack over the whole day. The midwife was extremely nice and not at all put off by my weeping. She just let it take its course and did what she had to do.
We had hoped to be allowed to stay there, but ultimately we were sent home after having a pill inserted, and were told to call if anything al all happened, but otherwise just come back in the morning.
But the homecoming... that's where it REALLY got interesting. Much to my shock, inlaws were still there and still cleaning. And the first thing that happened was that I started bleeding and of course that set off inlaws in a tirade of how the hospital would HAVE to take us in now, and I desperately tried to explain to them that they wouldn't unless it was something serious or the contractions had started. It turned ugly and I shouted at mum in law, before I smacked the bedroom door in her face to call the hospital like I was told. The kind midwife on the phone confirmed what I had been told earlier and advised me to get a good night's sleep. Emerging from the bedroom, I sourly proclaimed my victory ("told ya!") and promtly lapsed into the worst anxiety attack I've had since before I got pregnant.
I don't know why, but I can easily deal with people seeing me being violently ill, puking my guts out or having the runs of the century. No problem. But having people see me shaking, crying and drawing nail marks in my desk from primal fear is just so embarrassing to me somehow. But at least now they know I wasn't bloody kidding about having serious issues with their cleaning.
They are finally gone now and I'm slowly regaining control of myself. My hands are still shaking and I'm just so tired. Inlaws were kind and relatively understanding, but damn... this has now officially been labelled the worst timing EVER in the whole course of my life.
(Oh, and hubby's phone just beeped and made me flinch. This is really not good.)
I guess now there's nothing left to do but try and sleep a little and hope contractions start soon. Thanks for all the well wishing and prayers. We'll hopefully need them soon.
But I thought "Sure, I can deal with this. I'll probably be too busy with giving birth to care one bit about anything else."
WRONG!!!!
I spent a long long long day simply waiting and listening to the sounds of cellphones on earsplitting volumes, shouting (since that seems to be the inlaws' favorite form of communication), vacuuming, flushing, scrubbing and rinsing. My safety zone was completely demolished with smells of very foreign cleaning agents (that still cling to everything btw and is making me jittery) and forced niceties.
I tried... I swear, I really tried to endure! I tried to be nice and friendly towards the people who were generously trying to do me a favour. And I succeeded... up to a certain point.
4 PM arrived and mum in law gave us a lift to the hospital (in an extremely stressful manner, I might add, but that's a whole other story for another time) and in we went, feeling that FINALLY something would get started.
But alas, the ward was stuffed to breaking point, so we sat for even more time, simply waiting. In the empty waiting room, only occasionally visited by some family member or other I started to crack. Got very nervous and only managed to control it because hubby was there. When we finally got the exam started, I broke down. I cried my eyes out in the hospital bed and had a minor panic attack over the whole day. The midwife was extremely nice and not at all put off by my weeping. She just let it take its course and did what she had to do.
We had hoped to be allowed to stay there, but ultimately we were sent home after having a pill inserted, and were told to call if anything al all happened, but otherwise just come back in the morning.
But the homecoming... that's where it REALLY got interesting. Much to my shock, inlaws were still there and still cleaning. And the first thing that happened was that I started bleeding and of course that set off inlaws in a tirade of how the hospital would HAVE to take us in now, and I desperately tried to explain to them that they wouldn't unless it was something serious or the contractions had started. It turned ugly and I shouted at mum in law, before I smacked the bedroom door in her face to call the hospital like I was told. The kind midwife on the phone confirmed what I had been told earlier and advised me to get a good night's sleep. Emerging from the bedroom, I sourly proclaimed my victory ("told ya!") and promtly lapsed into the worst anxiety attack I've had since before I got pregnant.
I don't know why, but I can easily deal with people seeing me being violently ill, puking my guts out or having the runs of the century. No problem. But having people see me shaking, crying and drawing nail marks in my desk from primal fear is just so embarrassing to me somehow. But at least now they know I wasn't bloody kidding about having serious issues with their cleaning.
They are finally gone now and I'm slowly regaining control of myself. My hands are still shaking and I'm just so tired. Inlaws were kind and relatively understanding, but damn... this has now officially been labelled the worst timing EVER in the whole course of my life.
(Oh, and hubby's phone just beeped and made me flinch. This is really not good.)
I guess now there's nothing left to do but try and sleep a little and hope contractions start soon. Thanks for all the well wishing and prayers. We'll hopefully need them soon.
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no subject
Date: 2009-05-16 08:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-16 09:12 pm (UTC)Ahavia
no subject
Date: 2009-05-16 09:20 pm (UTC)You stood up to your mum-in-law, and
Hopefully tonight you'll have good dreams that will help put you in a better mental place. (That's what I think of dreams as - a type of therapy, usually.)
By the end of tomorrow, all that extraneous, stressing stuff will likely be a thing of the past, and you'll get to say hi to green pea in person. Well, a different sort of in-person than having the person in your tummy. :) *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2009-05-16 09:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-17 07:45 am (UTC)<3
no subject
Date: 2009-05-17 05:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-18 01:46 am (UTC)can totally empathize with the anxiety attack and how it's different from others seeing you that way versus other types of ill.... i feel the same way.... had some serious attacks myself this week.. still too mind-cluttered to write about them though...
no subject
Date: 2009-05-18 04:59 am (UTC)And remember... preggy moms-to-be, especially about-to-deliver preggy moms-to-be, get a free pass on any and all behavior. You can scream your lungs out, or cry your eyes out, and no one will (or should) think anything of it. Considering all the stress you had to deal with, I think you were remarkably controlled, for what it's worth. Now, forget about all that, and just try to shut everyone else out. Just breathe... and sleep... and soon you'll be in a whole new world.