Musings on my future life.
Jul. 20th, 2010 06:35 pmIt's with some measure of trepidation that I realise that when the time finally comes when B is gone and Pea is away for the week, I am going to have to learn to be alone. I've never really been alone for any length of time. I've always lived with someone. When I moved away from home and got my own place, I was already dating B, which meant that he basically lived in my apartment. Shortly after that, we got a place together.
So... what does one do when one is suddenly alone? Eat meals you never get, because you're the only one who likes them? Listen to your favorite music on repeat for days on end? Spend all day in the tub? I'm not actually sure what I'll be doing. I'm hoping my muses will come back so I can get some writing done.
And all of a sudden, I'm single! I... I'm not even sure I know how to handle that! Unwanted advances were easy before. Just show my ring, no confrontation. Tempting offers were refused with only small regret. Now I'll have to consider how to do the whole dating thing.
Honestly, I suspect I'll find someone online. At least, that is where I've been met with the most... shall we say... "interest". And hey, it's always great meeting someone who'll love me for my mind first. ;o)
I do know that there are a few things I'd 'like' to try, before settling down again. I'd like to try "making out". I never really got that with B. We progressed to sex so fast I hardly remember there was ever anything else. And honestly, as much as B claimed that he would be ok with just making out and nothing more, I could always feel how disappointed he was when I put a stop to his advances.
I'd also love to test my bi-urges. See if I'm even turned on properly by real women, or if it's more of a naughty tingle.
So basically, there are lots of things to keep me occupied. I just hope I remember them when the time comes, and don't fall into the black pit of "woe is me" the second I'm on my own. I'll need all of you to help me crawl back out, if that turns out to be the case.
List of things I love, but have not had much chance of getting in my marriage:
-Making out.
-Chaste kisses.
-Techno/dance music.
-Cheese.
-Roller blinds.
-Slashy wall calenders!
Sounds stupid, but I need to hang on to these little joys, if I'm going to survive being on my own.
In other news: B is apparently being stupid as a rule these days. *sigh* He doesn't even deny it anymore. I'm really starting to look forward to the day he is out out out...
So... what does one do when one is suddenly alone? Eat meals you never get, because you're the only one who likes them? Listen to your favorite music on repeat for days on end? Spend all day in the tub? I'm not actually sure what I'll be doing. I'm hoping my muses will come back so I can get some writing done.
And all of a sudden, I'm single! I... I'm not even sure I know how to handle that! Unwanted advances were easy before. Just show my ring, no confrontation. Tempting offers were refused with only small regret. Now I'll have to consider how to do the whole dating thing.
Honestly, I suspect I'll find someone online. At least, that is where I've been met with the most... shall we say... "interest". And hey, it's always great meeting someone who'll love me for my mind first. ;o)
I do know that there are a few things I'd 'like' to try, before settling down again. I'd like to try "making out". I never really got that with B. We progressed to sex so fast I hardly remember there was ever anything else. And honestly, as much as B claimed that he would be ok with just making out and nothing more, I could always feel how disappointed he was when I put a stop to his advances.
I'd also love to test my bi-urges. See if I'm even turned on properly by real women, or if it's more of a naughty tingle.
So basically, there are lots of things to keep me occupied. I just hope I remember them when the time comes, and don't fall into the black pit of "woe is me" the second I'm on my own. I'll need all of you to help me crawl back out, if that turns out to be the case.
List of things I love, but have not had much chance of getting in my marriage:
-Making out.
-Chaste kisses.
-Techno/dance music.
-Cheese.
-Roller blinds.
-Slashy wall calenders!
Sounds stupid, but I need to hang on to these little joys, if I'm going to survive being on my own.
In other news: B is apparently being stupid as a rule these days. *sigh* He doesn't even deny it anymore. I'm really starting to look forward to the day he is out out out...