Holy crap... Mega rant ahead.

[ladydrace]

Yesterday... my god. I hardly know where to start.

So. The day dawned where Pea would start his days with daddy. We set a time according to his naps and meals, so he would be as alert and happy as possible for the switch. Pea and I were ready. Things were packed (mostly), Pea was happily puttering around, pointing at all the playthings put in bags and such. And we waited. And waited. No B. Finally I texted him and asked where he was and I simply got a message that said he'd leave right away. As in: He hadn't even started moving yet before I reminded him.

First kick in the gut.

Anyway, he showed up, everything seemed good. Except for the fact that Pea kept falling and hurting himself. Apparently his focus was less than perfect. He happily took a walk with us, though and all seemed well, until we were at B's door. He stopped with a sort of brain fart expression on his face and went: "Oh. I kinda forgot. Floozie is in there." *insert various incredulous faces and noises here*

Second kick in the gut.

I decided to suck it up for Pea's sake and we went into the apartment. All seemed well, but the original plan had been for B to do the heavy lifting, but I was so upset that I decided to go back for the last bits myself, while B gave Pea a clean diaper on his brand new changer. I went back home, sniffling and shaking, gathered the last bits and went back. When I got there, Pea was still unchanged, because it turned out he was terrified of the changer. To calm him down, I took care of his diaper on the couch. When I asked for something to wipe his rear with, I was handed... cleaning wipes. You know, for windows and such. I was horrified. I snarled and the fact tha Floozie seemed to be the one who knew where everything was certainly didn't help any.

Third kick in the gut.

We found some baby wipes (which I knew where was because I packed them for the asshole myself... pun intended). When the changing was over, B seemed to have a little trouble figuring out how his weird, new diaper bin worked, so I asked when he'd got all this baby stuff. "Yesterday," Floozie remarked calmly. I was so angry. I asked B several days ago if he was just about ready for Pea and he had lied to my face (again!!) and said that he just needed the bed made up.

Fourth kick in the gut.

That piece of information made me shake and cry right there in front of Floozie and Pea, and I was angry and worried. So I asked B seriously if he was absolutely 100% sure that he was ready to take care of Pea. Because if there was ANY doubt, I would take him back with me. My heart wouldn't be able to bear it if B wasn't completely sure. B has always had this habit of pausing awfully long between his words or before answering. I always found it marginally irritating, but yesterday every second cut my heart like a fucking knife.

Fifth kick in the gut.

He did seem to be sure and certainly willing, so I had to splint my fractured heart and let him take over. I wasn't even inside my apartment before I was sobbing my heart out. I called my mother for a long, sobbing conversation and then went on to rant to a friend online. It took me a little over an hour to stop crying.

There are so many issues with this I hardly know what to do. If he makes a habit of being late for picking up Pea, we are going to have words.

If he doesn't even read shit before putting cleaning chemicals on his son's skin, then we REALLY need to have words!!

I'm so fucking worried. It like a constant ache deep in my gut. I try to calm myself. Pea is going to be at daycare most of the week and B is willing to make it work. And if the will is there, the rest will come. Still, I have everything ready to pick up my baby at a moment's notice and it makes me feel somewhat better.

I could rant on for a while about this, but I'd better stop before I start crying again.

Comments

[mrs-picard.livejournal.com]

*massive hugs* FIRST of all - you are doing just fine. You're strong, you're handling this situation VERY well. Allow yourself time to cry. The whole situation isn't easy and B is making it even harder, it seems. He needs to learn how to take care of Pea properly, but that cannot be done overnight. Did he ever change Pea's diapers when the two of you were still together? I mean it's his responsibility, too, not just yours.

And you're right - if he doesn't get a grip SOON, the two of you ARE going to have a LOT of words!

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Oh he did everything with Pea when we were together. Just not as much as me. Understandable since he has a job... ish...

But he has a lot to learn. Seriously. And if I find out he's let floozie do all the work, I am going to kill him.

[casenumber825.livejournal.com]

Awh no *HUGS!*

You're right you will need to have words with him at some point, he really doesn't seem to think of the responsibilities looking after a child entails.

You're doing amazingly well for someone in this situation, seriously, remarkably well. And crying is no bad thing, you just gotta have some time to let everything out and if crying works then cry all you want.
And remember, there are always people you can turn to, even if you just need to talk and get everything off your chest.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Have been using friends and family a lot these days.
*hugs*

[lonespark.livejournal.com]

He is fucking up. He will get better. (Can't get much worse! And anything that takes practices gets better when you do it over and over.)

I am so sorry that it is hitting you so hard. Clearly it is difficult to lower your expectations enough to keep from being let down. If you can it will so much easier on you. Cuz yeah, all those things suck, but none of them are really harmful.

Hugs to you and pea!

[lonespark.livejournal.com]

Not meaning to say it's alright, expecially the being late part. Just that he's been dishonest and slacking off for so long, that's the pattern.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Yeah. He needs time. We all do. I just wish he didn't have to make things to difficult for all of us. :o(

*hugs*

[kerry-louise.livejournal.com]

Uggg, that is just... uggg. I'd say it's a case of men are idiots, but if he seems so willing to take Pea, he really should make more effort to make sure he can take care of him *properly* and collect him when he says he will, especially as Pea gets older and becomes more aware of things like that - although if he's like most babies, he'd sense your upset anyway, I know my Godson has always been able to tell when his Mummy is upset of agrivated - and you have nothing to feel bad about crying!

*hugs*

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[inne-ic.livejournal.com]

Først og fremmest *KÆMPE KRAMMER* Du klarer det sgu godt! Mit moderhjerte bløder når jeg læser din post. Hold op hvor må det være hårdt!! Han skal godt nok til at tage sig sammen din X og vise dig og sin søn at han har overskud og vilje til at tage sig af et barn! Jeg håber inderligt at det her så var den ene gang han fucker det hele op - ellers får han sgu klø!! Jeg håber du klarer dig min ven :-) *Kram igen!*

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Ja jeg kan bare håbe han bliver bedre med tiden. Enten det, eller får lavet en anden aftale med mig. Det var ham selv der ville være uge-far. Det var ikke noget jeg pressede ned over hovedet på ham. Så han må sige til hvis han bliver usikker.

*krammer*

[prelocandkanar.livejournal.com]

GAAAH!!! How... maddening!

Not being on-time, no, worse than that, not even having left until you called... uuuggh.

Having Floozy there/making you go into his place with Floozy and have to interact with her... uuuugggh! So unfair.

Not having gotten all the stuff until the last minute. Where's the excitement of it all, on his part? Is he really taking caring for Pea seriously, or is he too distracted by Floozy and thinking with another portion of his anatomy?

And finally, worst of all... *cleaning wipes* for a *baby*???!!! What could he possibly be thinking?? He needs to have a serious wake-up call about chemicals and babies/kids, and general safety issues, too. If he'd be clueless about this, who knows what else he'd be clueless about?

Maybe part of the divorce agreement should include his attending some kind of parenting class, or is it too late for that?

Having said all that, and not wanting to make you feel worse, in all likihood, he *will* improve. Does he seem to be emotionally engaged with Pea? Is he besotted with him? If so, everything else will work out. If not... well. It will be evident very quickly.

And, yes, I want to echo everyone else's words: you're doing GREAT with all this. It's extremely stressful in the best of circumstances, and you've got much more, I have to say, shit, to deal with than average. Yet you're handling everything superbly. Major props to you.

And major hugs, too!!!

[lonespark.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and most of the folks I know with divorce agreements included something about NOT having a new SO around the kids for a certain period of time, on only under specific circumstances. Because that can be all kinds of bad.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

No such cases I know of here in Denmark. Blah.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

He does seem to genuinely love Pea. Not quite the way I do and 'besotted' isn't a word I'd use. But he's proud of him and apparently wants to spend time with him. Even though I know for a fact that he thinks WAY too much with his lower body. Even he knows that.

He's acting like an idiot, but apparently he's committed to being Pea's father. So I'm going to tie myself to a chair and sit this one out, until he either gets his shit together or makes another arrangement.

And... he actually did get paranting classes. He just has a very selective memory at times. The wipes were a brain fart on his part. The package looked like any other kind of wet wipes, but he could at least have read what it said before deciding it was for Pea.

*HUGS HUGS HUGS* Need SO many of those.

[lovefan81.livejournal.com]

I don't know what to say except that you and your boy will be all right! And if B keeps acting like an asshole he sure as hell doesn't deserve spending time with his son!

*hugs*

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[silkmoth101.livejournal.com]

Gah! What a friggin asshole! It's his son, too, dammit. As I said before... he will once have a son who is old enough to ask him what the fuck he's been doing.
And what a brain/heartless idiot is he, to have floozie over on the day you're coming and he has to take care of Pea? Gawd. *hisses*

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

I know. God, I wish he'd grow a brain...

[o-deanna.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetheart! That's just utterly ridiculous and hurtful ;__;. I'm so sorry that you're not only having to get through a divorce, but also deal with behaviour like this.

He will take care of Pea, I'm positive, but I'm so sorry that you have to be parted from him for this time.

Huge hugs to you. ♥

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[mithrel.livejournal.com]

Awww, man bb! You should really discuss your concerns with him. Even if he doesn't listen at least you'll have told him! Sending good vibes to you and Pea!

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

I need to talk to him. Like woah.

[et-cetera55.livejournal.com]

Aw hun!
Stupid man needs a kick up the arse! Maybe this will teach him how much he actually needs to know and so he will ask/look for help?

*hugs*

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[jonnycarnahan.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry your job is made that much harder because of B being obtuse, but, like all of your wise and caring friends here on your journal say ... you are doing so good in how you are handling the stress. Crying is good. You are a beautiful person inside and out ... even when you cry.

B will get better with time. It really is amazing to know the depths of how clueless some men can be ... it knows no bounds. I know how hard it is to be patient with someone like that who seems so helpless and seems to love making your life more difficult because they always want to take the path of least resistance.

Remember that you really do have a support group here. We love you and we are with you.

*hugs*

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

God, I don't know what I'd do without you guys.

*HUGS*