Me and my special needs kid.
Jul. 9th, 2012 07:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladydraceSo. I think it's finally sinking in that Pea is in fact a special needs kid. Yet undiagnosed, because it's mostly a mental issue, and these things are extremely difficult to define in kids under the age of 5 or so.
But I think the most accurate way of describing Pea's problems is that he's much younger on the inside than on the outside. His intellect and physical skills are very well developed, and he makes me proud on a daily basis for every new thing he can do.
Mentally and spiritually he's really not keeping up. His language and certain behaviors fit much better for a 2-year old than the 3-year old he is. There's still been made no decision about whether he'll need speech therapy or not, because it's coming along, slowly, but surely. I'm optimistic anyway.
He had his first visit to his special needs kindergarten today. Just to look around for a bit and get to see the place, before we start up for real after the summer holidays. It went swimmingly, and I was close to tears when I got home after, just because he'd been so great about it. In fact, the only freak-out we had occurred when I decided it was time to go. He did NOT wanna leave. So this is really good news!
But the fact that it's going to be a settled matter that he is a special needs kid in a special needs facility kinda whacked me with a clue-by-four. While I logically knew he has "issues" I never really thought about what it might mean for the future. Unless something miraculous happens and he magically catches up to everything he's struggling with, he will most likely need some help in school as well. Maybe even have to go to a private school. For years to come we will probably have to deal with doctors and therapists in various fields, and while I know it's all to help Pea, I get exhausted just thinking about it.
And frankly, I'm just not around other kids enough. For the longest time I wasn't even really aware what his problems might be, because I never saw him right next to other kids who didn't have these issues. Probably due to a normal amount of bias, I simply thought he was a bit of a rough-houser. Loving to roll around in mud, wrestling with other kids and dealing with problems by beating them to a pulp, like so many other toddlers throwing tantrums. I didn't see all the times he felt some other kid came too close and lashed out to preserve his personal space. I didn't hear all the other kids around him talking endlessly while all he could do was point and make single-word requests. I didn't see how desperately he needed a constant adult presence. I knew he was clingy, but I'm his mom. It's to be expected to a certain degree.
But getting help has revealed to me hos much he could be, given the chance. When he's allowed to have his space and the stress (especially the amount of other kids around him) is kept to a minimum, he can be so sweet, considerate, calm, focused, gentle and non-confrontational. I feel like I hardly know this child who suddenly shows a staggering amount of empathy and eagerness to interact socially with other kids. But if I can in any way arrange that he gets the chance to develop those skills, then I'll damn well do my very best to ensure it.
A glaring example from today's kindergarten visit: There was another boy playing with cars next to Pea. Apparently they were his own cars, which he had brought with him from home. Pea didn't know this of course, and there were a LOT of cars. So he inched closer and started playing with a couple of the cars that weren't in play. The other boy got mildly upset, because they were HIS cars. Normally, this would be where Pea would start yelling and start a conflict, because the rules of daycare are very clear. If you aren't using it, it's up for grabs. And he even ignores this rule fairly often if he sees a very tempting toy. He will not hesitate to punch the kid holding what he sees as "his" toy, if he really wants it.
I was prepared to jump in and mediate as the other kid got agitated, but one of the caretakers explained to Pea carefully that they were the other boy's cars, and offered him something else. This would normally NOT go over well. But Pea thought it over, and while he was clear about the fact the he really liked those cars, he calmly gave them back to the other boy, even if they weren't being played with. He even went so far as say "here you go" when he gave back the cars, and "thank you" when the caretaker handed him some other cars. *cue astonished jaw-dropping here*
Goes to show how much difference a calm environment and minimal stress can do for a kid. I'm amazed. Pure and simple.
And of course one of the major plus points for me personally is that I will no longer have to deal with the daycare bitch! *happy dance*
But I think the most accurate way of describing Pea's problems is that he's much younger on the inside than on the outside. His intellect and physical skills are very well developed, and he makes me proud on a daily basis for every new thing he can do.
Mentally and spiritually he's really not keeping up. His language and certain behaviors fit much better for a 2-year old than the 3-year old he is. There's still been made no decision about whether he'll need speech therapy or not, because it's coming along, slowly, but surely. I'm optimistic anyway.
He had his first visit to his special needs kindergarten today. Just to look around for a bit and get to see the place, before we start up for real after the summer holidays. It went swimmingly, and I was close to tears when I got home after, just because he'd been so great about it. In fact, the only freak-out we had occurred when I decided it was time to go. He did NOT wanna leave. So this is really good news!
But the fact that it's going to be a settled matter that he is a special needs kid in a special needs facility kinda whacked me with a clue-by-four. While I logically knew he has "issues" I never really thought about what it might mean for the future. Unless something miraculous happens and he magically catches up to everything he's struggling with, he will most likely need some help in school as well. Maybe even have to go to a private school. For years to come we will probably have to deal with doctors and therapists in various fields, and while I know it's all to help Pea, I get exhausted just thinking about it.
And frankly, I'm just not around other kids enough. For the longest time I wasn't even really aware what his problems might be, because I never saw him right next to other kids who didn't have these issues. Probably due to a normal amount of bias, I simply thought he was a bit of a rough-houser. Loving to roll around in mud, wrestling with other kids and dealing with problems by beating them to a pulp, like so many other toddlers throwing tantrums. I didn't see all the times he felt some other kid came too close and lashed out to preserve his personal space. I didn't hear all the other kids around him talking endlessly while all he could do was point and make single-word requests. I didn't see how desperately he needed a constant adult presence. I knew he was clingy, but I'm his mom. It's to be expected to a certain degree.
But getting help has revealed to me hos much he could be, given the chance. When he's allowed to have his space and the stress (especially the amount of other kids around him) is kept to a minimum, he can be so sweet, considerate, calm, focused, gentle and non-confrontational. I feel like I hardly know this child who suddenly shows a staggering amount of empathy and eagerness to interact socially with other kids. But if I can in any way arrange that he gets the chance to develop those skills, then I'll damn well do my very best to ensure it.
A glaring example from today's kindergarten visit: There was another boy playing with cars next to Pea. Apparently they were his own cars, which he had brought with him from home. Pea didn't know this of course, and there were a LOT of cars. So he inched closer and started playing with a couple of the cars that weren't in play. The other boy got mildly upset, because they were HIS cars. Normally, this would be where Pea would start yelling and start a conflict, because the rules of daycare are very clear. If you aren't using it, it's up for grabs. And he even ignores this rule fairly often if he sees a very tempting toy. He will not hesitate to punch the kid holding what he sees as "his" toy, if he really wants it.
I was prepared to jump in and mediate as the other kid got agitated, but one of the caretakers explained to Pea carefully that they were the other boy's cars, and offered him something else. This would normally NOT go over well. But Pea thought it over, and while he was clear about the fact the he really liked those cars, he calmly gave them back to the other boy, even if they weren't being played with. He even went so far as say "here you go" when he gave back the cars, and "thank you" when the caretaker handed him some other cars. *cue astonished jaw-dropping here*
Goes to show how much difference a calm environment and minimal stress can do for a kid. I'm amazed. Pure and simple.
And of course one of the major plus points for me personally is that I will no longer have to deal with the daycare bitch! *happy dance*
