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[personal profile] ladydrace
Got this from ASCEML. I thought it was awesome, so I thought I'd repost it here. Now, I'm not American, but many of the same things apply in my country as well. It's funny, yet true. Enjoy!

NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION

This is probably the best e-mail I've seen in a long, long time. The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. This guy should run for President one day...
We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.

ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people.. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair or lethal injection.

ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII:
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)

ARTICLE IX:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X:
This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!
Lastly...

ARTICLE XI:
You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I just think it's about time common sense is allowed to flourish. Sensible people of the United States speak out because if you do not, who will?

Date: 2009-03-12 05:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bibsy-bebs.livejournal.com
If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful;

LOL! That made me laugh so much!

Date: 2009-03-12 06:18 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] ex_mrs260625
Well, his assitude is showing on some of those. (Food, shelter, clothing, and medical care are rights. Just because he's comfortable with the evil of denying them, doesn't make those rights go away.)

And fuck him if he can't welcome refugees who need freedom from persecution before they can get those free English lessons he's apparently giving out.

Date: 2009-03-12 06:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-drace.livejournal.com
Oh I hope I didn't offend people by posting this. It was not to be taken too literally. In my view it's very sharply outlined for the sake of humor. Of course you can't judge all from the same point of view.

Date: 2009-03-12 06:31 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] ex_mrs260625
Oh, I can certainly see the humour in some of the silly points, and I know you aren't endorsing some of the more serious points. But conflating silly entitlement with real need is a common tactic of (especially American) conservatives, and whether this was authored by the politician named or by a political writer, furthering and normalizing that conflation is definitely their real motive.

And I'm sure it isn't obvious to a non-native speaker, but "Go back where you came from" is a common refrain of racists in North America.

Date: 2009-03-12 06:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-drace.livejournal.com
I wasn't aware it was considered 'that bad'. Racists say it here as well, but compared to other insults, it rings relatively mild to me.

I must confess, I never saw this as referring to those in real need. The way I read this, it's aimed at the moochers and whiners who make it hard for those who genuinely need help to actually get it.

Date: 2009-03-12 06:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] abrandnewworld.livejournal.com
well if anyone's offended, they can see Article II

and I have no problem with assisting those in need but they have to be willing to help themselves too-- even if there's not much available to change their situation, seek out info and try. My tax dollars can go to the needy of my town but the professional couch potatoes need to be cut off.

Date: 2009-03-12 06:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] abrandnewworld.livejournal.com
oh oh oh oh oh merrily copying, pasting and emailing to EVERYBODY

Date: 2009-03-12 06:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-drace.livejournal.com
Glad you liked it. :o)

Date: 2009-03-12 07:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xiilnek.livejournal.com
Heh, amusing. Thanks for sharing!

Date: 2009-03-13 09:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] macboris.livejournal.com
Poor attempts of being funny. I mean, I CAN see the humor, it's just not funny. It sounds like my english teacher XD.
Besides that, I thinks Americans give themselves too much credit - who gives a damn about their laws? I certainly don't.
But that has nothing to do with that, anyway. I just don't really like americans XD

Date: 2009-03-13 09:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lady-drace.livejournal.com
It's quite possible that the reason why I find this fun is because I'm not American. I know a few very nice americans, but I've also encountered some really horrid examples of US citizens. But I'm sure that's no different than any other country. Especially in places with so much diversity as the US.

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