Blast from the uhm... present?

[ladydrace]

I just got a text message (it's 1 AM here btw) from a RL friend. We don't talk much, but we've known each other for years. I've stood by her through a LOT of her troubles. I've taken over loads of her pet rats several times when she crashed mentally or had financial troubles. I stood by her when she walked out on her fiancé to go live with another guy, and I still stood by her when she went back to the fiancé not 6 months later. I defended her when she got bashed on the web for years over this and that. And though I didn't always agree with her choices, I stood by her and tried not to judge her.

Now her fiancé has apparently had enough. He's leaving and if you ask me, he's being extremely nice about it, helping to pay rent until she can find some other place to live. We haven't talked for months and now all of a sudden I get a text from her. Because SHE is in trouble. And I just KNOW that it's only a matter of hours before she'll be asking me to take over yet another 20 pets she can't afford to keep on her own, or help her move, or talk to the fiancé or something. But this time, I have to draw the line.

I've taken a fair bit of crap from her over the years and not gotten a lot in return for my support. And this time, I simply cannot spare any sympathy or aid. I've got plenty on my own plate. I'll gladly send her my regrets and say the right words of comfort, but I cannot offer any kind of physical aid. Seriously. This time, she's not even getting a night on my couch. Enough is enough. I got my budding family to worry about and Green Pea comes before everything else.

I feel cold hearted, but really, my heart belongs to my husband and unborn child. She will not be getting any help this time. She's got family and other friends. She can crawl someplace else for once. Cause I'm through.

Comments

[bibsy-bebs.livejournal.com]

You aren't being cold hearted at all, you have offered so much help and support to this person that there has to be a point when you can't anymore. This is clearly the point, I'm assuming she knows that you have a lot going on at the moment so really she should understand.

As you said you have your own family to think about now and they must come first, I think you are making the right choice.

*hugs* Well done for taking a stand, it's for the best for both of you really. You get to focus on you and your family and she will learn to rely on herself rather than others, so really everybody wins!

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

I really hope it works out that way. But really, I'm beyond caring. If she decides to hate me for this, then so be it. No great loss.

[cyranothe2nd.livejournal.com]

If she decides to hate you then she wasn't a true friend...she was using you and when you refused to be used she didn't want to know you anymore.

You have to look out for you and yours 1st. You aren't obligated to always pick up the pieces for her. She's an adult and maybe its time that she was responsible for herself.

[abrandnewworld.livejournal.com]

I understand your situation. I have a friend who, no matter what kind of aid she gets, it's never enough. You're perfectly within reason to say, "No, I can't this time."

And it sucks, completely to say that to someone, regardless of the return or lack there of.

When I told my friend I was getting divorced and taking over the house, she offered all the proper support-- and it was heartfelt, don't get me wrong--- but she also expected me to offer my additional room for her to 'rent' (with rent meaning whatever she had left over for the month). Aside from if I choose to rent any part of my house it will be to someone who can actually pay a decent amount of money, but I knew her being in this house wouldn't be healthy for me. So I said no. I know it hurt her but we DO have to focus on our own needs.

You're not being cold-hearted. I applaud your strength and hope you can stick to it.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I hope so too. Tomorrow when hubby is awake, I'll tell him all about it and then he can help me keep my soft heart in line. Because he is excellent at reminding me that there is more than just me and him on the line right now.

[xiilnek.livejournal.com]

*hugs* You've got different priorities than she does, and you're doing the right thing to uphold yours.

*seconds what the others said* I agree that, hopefully, she'll learn to be more self reliant.

[jonnycarnahan.livejournal.com]

You are doing the right thing, though I personally have a hard time with giving 'tough love' ... I'm such a softy. I would hope that your friend would understand your situation and where you are in your life. You are about to be a mother ... the hardest yet most rewarding job on the planet. You need HER understanding and support right now, not the other way around. Good luck and I hope everything works out for her.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

I'm also way too softhearted for my own good. But hopefully, hubby can help me keep my promise to myself and the Pea.

[ahavia.livejournal.com]

The most important thing you need to focus on you and your baby. You must protect your nest. And I know your husband will stand to protect you from outside problems. You have enough hard work coming up, giving birth so that little one has more of a name then Green Pea. I keep wanting to say Sweet Pea. And then taking care of that new darling.
You are a tender hearted person.
I am so looking forward to getting that after the birth post, letting us know the news.
Is your bag packed? If we don't hear from you for a few days, we will know you are otherwise detained.
Ahavia

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Aw thank you so much. :o)

Bag will be packed this weekend. Saturday we will be only 3 weeks away from due date. *sigh* I'm getting really impatient.