Morning zombie.

It's morning... fuck. I have half an hour to get out the door, but gawd... my eyes feel like they're glued together. No wonder. Pea usually sleeps through the night, but last night he decided that midnight was a good time to get up. And just to add insult to injury, he decided to wake up just as we were having some sweet sex. Gah. Frustrations aplenty. When he was finally ready to sleep again, so were we. Very much so. Thank god hubby was ok with getting up with Pea this morning for his first feeding. I was basically out cold.

I need caffeine. Too bad I don't drink coffee. Cola will have to do.

Also, it's December 1st! Christmas is approaching fast! Scary, really.

I'm sure there was something else I wanted to say... but brain... it iz ded...

Socks... I need socks...

*oozing to the kitchen for cola*

Fanfic quote of the day

"What's wrong, Garak?  Having second thoughts?"

Garak shook himself out of his admiring gaze and answered, 
"Third and fourth thoughts, actually, but I haven't changed 
my mind."

From Mistletoe Surprise by A. Kite.

Fuck... I can't do this.

Hubby was given a few pointers today on how to get Pea to sleep. Honestly, I think our current method works fine, but apparently it's not good enough.

So hubby just tried putting Pea to bed, telling him it was time to sleep and then simply leave the room. For a while he cried in a way that was pretty clearly just annoyance, but eventually it turned into the form of crying that makes my stomach clench. The one he employs if he's in pain or afraid. And only a few minutes into this, I cracked and begged hubby to pick him up. I'm crying now. And I can't decide if I'm being a horrible mom for letting hubby do this, or a horrible mom for NOT letting him do it.

Fuck.

*sob*

Religion

nerdboyout posted a long entry on his religion at my request. My comment got longer and longer, so I decided to make a post of my own about it. Heck, maybe someone out there can even tell me if there is a defined religion that fits my views? If there is, I haven't found it yet.

I believe that Jesus was real, but not a "god". Touched by divine forces maybe, but not the son of God. I believe his words are good to live by, no matter how you define your faith.

I believe in life as a deity, not a divine being as such. The miracle of life and love in a world so difficult as ours makes a believer out of me.

I believe in the eternal human soul (and animal soul for that matter), only not in the sense of an 'afterlife'. But our life force continues on in some way in some cosmic connection.

I went to Sunday School once, and a teacher there said: "God is in every blade of grass." (Might be a bible quote. Not sure.) That rang very true with me. The divine force of life flows through everything. Sometimes, if I'm afraid or sad, touching something living can help. A rock, a tree, an expression of art or a beautiful building. Anything that hums with life.

I like the idea of the trinity. As in: One part divinity, one part spirituality and one part humanity. Sounds like the perfect recipe for human life. I don't believe in the Christian version, though. Since I don't believe Jesus was the son of God, the Trinity is automatically out the window here.

I believe in Science, but I also believe that the existence of life is just too unlikely without a helping hand. A spark of life force along with the big bang.

I believe there is something out there. In any sense you can think of. I cannot imagine that what we can see is all there is. There is no way the world is that limited.

I don't pray, but I have been known to talk to people who have long been dead. And I have seen a few things that makes me pretty damn sure that something unearthly was going on.

I believe that it's our duty as human beings to be the best we can be. To do right by others and ourselves.

There's more, but I'm not sure how to define it. Might continue this later.

Any suggestions as to where I might fit in?