Fuck... I can't do this.

[ladydrace]

Hubby was given a few pointers today on how to get Pea to sleep. Honestly, I think our current method works fine, but apparently it's not good enough.

So hubby just tried putting Pea to bed, telling him it was time to sleep and then simply leave the room. For a while he cried in a way that was pretty clearly just annoyance, but eventually it turned into the form of crying that makes my stomach clench. The one he employs if he's in pain or afraid. And only a few minutes into this, I cracked and begged hubby to pick him up. I'm crying now. And I can't decide if I'm being a horrible mom for letting hubby do this, or a horrible mom for NOT letting him do it.

Fuck.

*sob*

Comments

[silkmoth101.livejournal.com]

You know I have no idea about stuff like that but I still think you were right. So what if he gets a little pampered? I always thought it cruel to just leave a baby behind when it's crying, especially since you can tell if he's afraid or not. Your little one should feel safe, no matter what.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

He's my baby, I'll pamper him if I bloody feel like it.

[silkmoth101.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I'm a firm believer in the fact that even little kids can remember stuff like that unconsciously later. Give him love and trust... I think that's the best.

[mrs-picard.livejournal.com]

I agree with the previous statement. And you're NOT a horrible mom. *hugs*

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *hugs*

[mithrel.livejournal.com]

I think if he was obviously upset it was better for you to not leave him alone.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

I know my baby. He was upset. No doubt.

I wish I could stop questioning my ability to be a mother all the time. :o(

[idanianspice.livejournal.com]

Honey, you are not a bad mom either way! Frankly, if the prior method was working all right, it would best to stick to it. Babies get used to routines and anything deviating from the norm, especially around nap/bed time is not going to be welcomed. I'm sure whoever gave your husband pointers meant well, but for some things, if isn't broken, it doesn't need to be fixed.

Please don't be so hard on yourself! Motherhood (and fatherhood) is NOT easy! *snuggling you from across the ocean*

[xiilnek.livejournal.com]

*seconds this*

Maybe there's some validity to the new method, and there's nothing wrong with trying it out - at the same time, if the previous method also works and you decide the transition to the new one isn't worth it, there's nothing wrong with doing it the old way.

Maybe I just confused myself. *tries to figure out the maze of new-old methods referred to where*

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

I don't get it either. *scratches head*

[xiilnek.livejournal.com]

*laughs* My brain turned off somewhere in the middle of that post, I practically *felt* it happen. I think maybe alternate-dimension me needed it more. Basically just agreeing with what was said above.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *snuggle*

[cyranothe2nd.livejournal.com]

There is a school of thought that thinks that babies should be broken of 'selfish crying' early. These people believe that babies cry to manipulate and that this manipulation is inherently bad.

I don't buy this AT ALL.

Yes, babies sometimes cry to get what they want (picked up). But that's because they *can't talk*! How else are they supposed to communicate? I have also read some studies that say that babies that are let cry in this manner learn early that they cannot trust their parents and grow up to have attachment problems. This is not ironclad science but I think it makes sense.

I think that it's too early to try to 'break' Pea in that manner (and really, trying to 'break' a child's will at all seems wrong to me). Letting him cry it out might be useful when he's old enough to talk and he's just pitching a fit (I used to tell my daughter, "I can't hear you when you cry. You have to talk to me like a big girl" when she'd throw a fit over wanting something, etc--but I didn't start that until she was around 2-3 years old). But I totally disagree with the school of thought that says that you should just let a young baby cry. What does it do for the child except teach him that the people in his life don't care/don't listen?

[cyranothe2nd.livejournal.com]

P.S. Now I am pretty mad at whoever it was that told you to do this. Do they honestly think that a 6 month old baby understands an adult saying, "It's time to sleep."
Babies don't have the ability to cry only when something is wrong. That's trying to put an adult logic into a baby's brain. I can see what the person is trying to do--teach a baby that they can't always get what they want. But a baby can't comprehend that lesson--he's too young to understand that.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

The weird part is that the same people who gave this advice, keep telling us not to attribute adult motives to Pea. Like when he starts yelling when he wakes up in the morning, I'm pretty sure it's his way of calling us. They don't think so. Hmmm.

It's completely backwards. I'm very confused.

[cyranothe2nd.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't know...sometimes babies vocalize just to try out their voice box. Sometimes they notice that some vocalizations get them attention (like crying) and so they do them more. I think that's valid. I just don't think that trying to break them of it is, since what else are they supposed to do, you know? They can't say, "Momma, I really need a snuggle right now."

[http://users.livejournal.com/___shiro____/]

No, I really don't think you're a bad mother. I am not a mother yet, of course, but when my little sis was really little, sometimes she used to cry in a very alarming way, and my folks wouldn't let me go and pamper her. That broke my heart. I just can't help sitting and doing nothing when children cry.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Neither can I. And there's always something you can do. Sometimes it's enough to just stay nearby. And honestly, what's wrong with that?

[prelocandkanar.livejournal.com]

Follow your instincts. You know your baby better than anyone. And there are so many schools of thought out there when it comes to childraising, that there'll always be someone who agrees or disagrees with you. There's no consensus -- nobody really knows anything.

Sarah had very few issues but sleeping was never a strong suit. I could never just "put her down" for a nap, or even for bed at night. As a baby, I had to rock her or walk with her or hold her or nurse her until she fell asleep pretty much all the time when she was an infant. (Or I would put her in the car seat and drive around the block --that one always worked.) One time I tried letting her "cry it out." I lasted forty minutes and she was still crying strong. I never tried it again.

And you know what? She learned to fall asleep on her own when she was ready. She's twelve now, and I almost never have to rock her to sleep anymore. ;)

You're a great mom. Just ignore what anyone else tells you and do what makes sense to you.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

How did you manage daycare and such, if she couldn't be laid to sleep? I worry a lot about that.

[lonespark.livejournal.com]

Argh sleep is so hard!

My kids could cry it out somethimes, and my daughter often does. She'll do the tired cry thing and then fall asleep. (Usually with a bottle, which also considered to be an awful habin in some circles.) But sometimes it turns into the really pissed off cry and I know it won't work, and sometimes she makes herself so upset she vomits (or she already feels bad? One or the other or sometimes both I guess.) Usually if she hasn't got quiet after 20 minutes I need to go comfort her.

My son was similar, and now he's 3 1/2 and usually can't get to sleep without me laying down with him and singing to him, although sometimes he will, and of course he falls asleep well in the car. He's always napped with only a little struggle at daycare, though, ever since 6 weeks old. Maybe that's peer pressure?

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Mybe it's just me, but when Pea starts crying in that way that almost makes him choke himself, I cannot bear it at all. A little tired crying, sure. He always complains when he's put down to sleep, but that's expected.

[lonespark.livejournal.com]

The thing I think is funny and cute is when they aren't really crying, just vocalizing. Like they're grumbling or arguing themselves to sleep. My parents say I did that alot.