Weight and midwife rant

[ladydrace]

Do thin people really think that fat people are automatically stupid??? That extra fat tissue has NOT clogged up my brain, thank you very much! I went to the midwife today, hoping for a nice chat about the baby and answering of a few questions, and instead I was given the (by now very much hated but all too familiar) lecture about how bad it was to be fat. Does she think I'm an idiot?? The very first thing I searched for on the web was what my weight would do to my child! And frankly, I found the effects tolerable, compared to other damaging factors like smoking or even not taking the right vitamins.

I don't smoke, drink, or do any kind of drugs (even though my last shrink seemed to think I was lying!!), we're on a sugar-light diet due to my husband's diabtes and I take my arsenal of vitamins every single day! I don't eat for 2, but I do eat when I'm hungry. Not when I feel snackish. When I'm HUNGRY! Jeez, like because I'm fat I don't know the difference?? Come on! If anyone should know about chalories, diets, exercise, blood pressure and everything weight related, I'm sure it's the fat people who've had it shoved down their throats by every person who knows anything (or even thinks they do) about it.

I sure as hell know my way around the diet mill. Not that it did me any good.

Personally I think I am doing the very best for my baby considering what limited resources I have when it comes to money or even mental health. I can't buy all perfume free products, even though I would love to. I can't buy the most trimmed of meats and the best of greens. I just can't. I have NO money for that! That bitch of a midwife should try a few years on welfare. See how she'd handle it!!

And just as an extra insult, she seemed to think I needed education (as in a course!) on how to breastfeed!! I've talked about everything baby-related at length with my mum, my sisters, my friends or basically anyone who would listen, and not ONE of them has ever mentioned any critical knowledge one must have before letting your baby suckle. How hard can it be???? The baby is hungry, guide it to the nipple and if it doesn't suckle or is smothered by the breast, you just solve it! Are new mums really that insecure that such a simple act is beyond their brain power?? Or is it the "she's fat so she must be stupid" thing again???

Bottom line is that I'm very dissatisfied with my midwife and I am SO glad she is not going to be the one I see next time or ever again. Not for years has anyone made me feel so lousy sbout myself or so insufficient. And my hopes of a home birth were shattered, again because I'm too fat. Hell, I can't even be allowed to give birth in water!! Never have I felt so fat and useless as today.

Thank you midwife, for bombing what little self esteem I've scraped together back to the freakin stoneage. Thank you so much. Bitch.

Comments

[ex_mrs260625]

Gah, the last thing anyone should be doing when pregnant is trying to lose weight! What is she thinking? I'm glad to hear you won't be seeing her again.

I understand a fair number of women do have trouble breastfeeding, and many don't have mothers who breastfed to go to for advice, so midwives probably suggest such a course to everyone.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

She didn't say I should lose weight... thank god, or I would probably have complained about her to some authority. But she spent ages and ages lecturing my on my eating habits, which she btw knew absolutely nothing about. She simply assumed I was 'eating for 2' as she so delicately put it. I don't. Actually I eat smaller meals after becoming pregant, but I get hungry more often. And I do eat when I'm hungry. I refuse to ignore my body's demands because of such a cow.

[syredronning.livejournal.com]

What a freaky gal. Bleh. People can be so very annoying when they try to push advice down your throat :(

[cyranothe2nd.livejournal.com]

Mmmm, first-I hate when ppl assume that you don't know that you're fat or that they have somehow miraculously worked out a cure that you haven't thought of. *rolls eyes*

As to the breastfeeding class--my mom is an instructor for those classes. Its easy to get overwhelmed by a baby's needs and some babies have a hard time latching on. My daughter did and I almost gave up on breastfeeding because it really *hurt* my poor nipples (glad I didn't).
The class teaches you what to do if that happens, how to express your milk, how to know if you have an infection, how to wean the baby, ect. It really helped me. So no, don't think it was about you being stupid--just trying to encourage breast feeding. Like lamaze helps women give birth...

P.S. My mom visits new mommies at the hospital and helps them through the first breast feeding.

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm completely willing to admit defeat on that one. After all, I'm neither a mother or an educated midwife at present. So who knows? But on this matter I stick to the opinion that I'll solve the problem IF there turns out to be one.

It's very probable that it rang more offensive from her on top of everything else.

[prelocandkanar.livejournal.com]

A midwife's main job is to provide support and encouragement. This one?? Major, major fail. To do or say anything to make you feel bad about yourself is about as opposite to her job description as you can get. Everyone feels self-conscious and vulnerable when they're pregnant. She sounds clueless and dense -- totally unqualified for this job. I'm glad you're not seeing her again. I sure hope the next one is better!

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Yes I agree, I'm really starting to think she should have reconsidered her line of work. Heck, she didn't even smile at me once!

And just to add to my misery, she seemed very worried about the fact that I chose to have a baby while being mentally ill. Yes well, sorry about that, but at least I'm not like a few drug addicts I know have baby after baby, just to have them taken away!

My baby will be loved and cared for. And if they ever try to take it from me, I will seriously hurt them.

Also, she seemed not to take my husband into any consideration on that subject. Like he wasn't even there! Does she seriously think that IF I should get so ill I would need hospitals or something, that he would let his child starve???

GOD! I hate that woman...

[birggitt.livejournal.com]

What a stupid way to act! That midwife should have been giving you support, no making you feel bad.
There are people who just don't know were the line is. Actually, some of them don't even know there ARE a line.
And you are so right! It's very easy to talk about diets when you have all the money to buy dietetic products. They are expensive, gym is expensive, so, what they expect?
I'm sorry she gave you such a bad moment, hon! Good thing you are not seeing her again and, hopefully, next one will be professional and well qualified to do her job :/
*hugs*

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

I don't think that woman has ever been fat/pregnant/poor or anything else similar to me, and she made no effort what so ever to understand me.

Taking all the hugs I can get.