ladydrace | Enter autism.

So. The verdict is in. Pea has autism. I was half sure we'd be told that there would be no labeling what he has, but to my surprise, not only does he have autism, he's actually pretty much smack in the middle of the scale. I'd assumed that if he did have something autism-related that he'd be on the edge of the spectrum, only barely qualifying for the diagnosis. But apparently, to a specialist, he's a pretty classic case.

And I as I read more about autism, it also becomes clear that there have been signs his entire life. If you know what you're looking for.

The people at daycare didn't even bat an eyelid either.

I'm happy with the diagnosis. Knowing what we're dealing with will help Pea so much. Anything that can make life easier for him is great in my book.

But, as I'm pretty sure can be expected, I'm also kinda down about it. Knowing how many challenges Pea will have to look forward to in his life makes me downright depressed. He's already trying so hard to understand what's going on around him, and as he grows it sure won't be any easier.

There's also the downside that since we now know it's autism, we also know that this isn't something he'll outgrow. He'll most likely learn to live with it, but this will have an effect on his entire life. On top of that, the psychiatrist also warned us that Pea might be slightly retarded. There's no telling until he gets older and his communication gets better. Personally I don't think he is, but his development goes up and down like a rollercoaster, so there's just no knowing where things will go yet.

My poor baby.

The good news is that since we still haven't heard a peep about foster care, I'm assuming they'll take his diagnosis into account when finding a family for him, so he can get the best possible care.

As for myself... I think I need a little while before it really dawns on me that I'm now mother to an autistic child, and what this might mean for us as a family.