Lady Drace

Reading up on gastric bypass has, if nothing else, given me insight into the near-suicidal disregard many people have for their health. Like 99% of what I could find on the subject was from the US (which makes sense, because Denmark is TINY) and I know their healthcare system is vastly different from ours, but holy crap...

The shit I read about people doing before/after surgery... it's like they WANT complications. "My stomach hurts, I'm so scared!" I get that you're scared, friend, but maybe going fucking binge drinking a week out of surgery wasn't your brightest moment. Liquid diet does not mean "excuse to pickle yourself in alcohol".

And don't even get me started on the perfectly slim people who pay shady doctors to have it done, just to lose those last pesky ten pounds. I'm in awe of the stupidity.

I can barely even find mentions of health. It's all about how much they lost, down to the ounce, and I'm sitting here wanting to know if I can still take painkillers in pill form, or what happens if I get stomach flu, or if my meds will even still be absorbed, or how you cope with the dietary demands alongside other health issues. There was one lady on youtube who warned that the poop would be different, and YES, THANK YOU NICE LADY, these are the things I need to know in advance, please. 

Finding what I need on this is soooo hard. Like, loose skin is gonna happen. Does it hurt when you run? I mean, does it pull at you as it moves? And what about anxiety? Do the changes in your body change your mental state? Do different things trigger your anxiety compared to before?

And I can't find a single word about autism in relation to gastric bypass, which makes me worry that it's a thing doctor's wouldn't recommend to someone with autism. (I don't really think so, it's more likely any patients with autism find documenting it too challenging.) And what about your kids? They're bound to ask questions. What do you say? What if you miss a few meals? There's a lot of info about "dumping" that happens when you eat too much or the wrong things, but nothing about the effects of missing meals.

And I only found a single mention of taking precautions in the event of death during surgery. It's like people are deliberately ignoring the possiblity. Just because the risk is low, it doesn't mean it isn't there.

A lot of the time these days I'm getting earful after earful about how serious it is to have a kid with autism, and yeah, sure, I see what they're getting at. But honestly, 90% of the time, the autism is invisible to me. Not that I forget he has it, not at all. But unless we're having conflicts, Pea is generally just... my son. He has quirks, which I'm sure some people would label "not normal" because it fits in with autism symptoms, but a lot of these are the same to me as any other kid with a preference for something.

So just because it's on my mind, here are a few things that are apparently an autism thing, but to me feels like just my kid.

- Music. Pea does not like music. Out on the town or on the car radio or on tv, it's okay. But no turning on the stereo at home, and 9 times out of 10, no singing from me. It's a bummer, but living with someone else, even a kid, means that sometimes you have to bend a little.

- No using the vacuum cleaner when he's in the house. That thing scares him shitless. My mother tells me I was the same with lawnmowers at his age, so how this is related to autism is vague to me.

- Dialogue quoting. Anything from cartoons to comic books, after a few times Pea can quote them from start to finish. Best game in the world for him is if we act out the different roles. The fact that we're doing it 300 times in a row is tiring, but hey, I get passionate about stuff too.

- Playing in the dirt. He's a kid. Honestly, how this is not normal baffles me.

- Extreme focus on one kind of food. I can't blame a kid for wanting the one thing he likes most right now. And as long as he's eating a few other things in between, I see nothing wrong with letting him eat the same thing day in and day out. Call me a bad mother, but that's how I feel.

- Slow development. This is worrying, I agree completely. But why do we need to push him to "catch up"? As long as he's happy and physically healthy, I have no problem with my kid having only the abilities of a younger child. He's gonna need special aid anyway, so why make it even harder for him by pressuring him to reach some kind of magical line? He's already using so much energy just dealing with how his perception of the world fucks up on a regular basis, I just don't see why I have to stick his nose in a book every time he's relaxed and content.

- Dislike of eye contact. I have that too, sweetie pie.

Fun fact: the people dealing with Pea often express disbelief when I tell them he sleeps perfectly well at night with no special aid stuff. And I'm like... "as if the problems he's already dealing with aren't enough for you?"

So. The verdict is in. Pea has autism. I was half sure we'd be told that there would be no labeling what he has, but to my surprise, not only does he have autism, he's actually pretty much smack in the middle of the scale. I'd assumed that if he did have something autism-related that he'd be on the edge of the spectrum, only barely qualifying for the diagnosis. But apparently, to a specialist, he's a pretty classic case.

And I as I read more about autism, it also becomes clear that there have been signs his entire life. If you know what you're looking for.

The people at daycare didn't even bat an eyelid either.

I'm happy with the diagnosis. Knowing what we're dealing with will help Pea so much. Anything that can make life easier for him is great in my book.

But, as I'm pretty sure can be expected, I'm also kinda down about it. Knowing how many challenges Pea will have to look forward to in his life makes me downright depressed. He's already trying so hard to understand what's going on around him, and as he grows it sure won't be any easier.

There's also the downside that since we now know it's autism, we also know that this isn't something he'll outgrow. He'll most likely learn to live with it, but this will have an effect on his entire life. On top of that, the psychiatrist also warned us that Pea might be slightly retarded. There's no telling until he gets older and his communication gets better. Personally I don't think he is, but his development goes up and down like a rollercoaster, so there's just no knowing where things will go yet.

My poor baby.

The good news is that since we still haven't heard a peep about foster care, I'm assuming they'll take his diagnosis into account when finding a family for him, so he can get the best possible care.

As for myself... I think I need a little while before it really dawns on me that I'm now mother to an autistic child, and what this might mean for us as a family.